Innehållsförteckning för March 2016 från Chat Specials

Spring is in the air! So, as well as truly heinous crime stories, shocking medical tales and amazing animal antics, we have everything from hot cross bun recipes (p52) to great Easter days out (p34) covered. Of course, after scoffing too many eggs, I’ll be asking my partner the inevitable question, ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ Not that it would worry Trisha Hove (p14), who hopes her 52in behind will make her fortune as a Nicki Minaj lookalike! We’ve crime stories too, like that of double killer Joel Hayden (p20), who shot his friend and then his partner, in front of his 7-year-old son. Shocking. On p36 we bring you the utterly bonkers tale of a woman who snogs alligators! And photobombing reaches new extremes on p56, when…

Steak out One man made a very big misteak last summer. The Californian was in a supermarket when he spied some tempting ribeye steaks and nicked five packets! But this is where the story gets unusual... Rather than shoving the loot up his jumper, he crammed the steaks into his colostomy bag – used to drain waste product from his body – before scarpering. After spying his light-fingered manoeuvre, shop workers had understandable beef with the thief and jotted down his registration plates as he fled the scene. Once the police reached his home, it was left to the man's girlfriend to confirm the steak had indeed been stashed in his pouch. What a waste! Burger off! How much would you pay for a burger? £3? £5? £10? OK, what…

Gardening products FROM ONLY £5.99 Botanicae Tool Stool by Fallen Fruits £22.99, wayfair.co.uk Pale green and floral this pretty stool, with six side pockets, means your secateurs will never disappear in the long grass again. Briers Children’s Tool Bag Set £14.99, lawnmowers  direct.co.uk Tots will want their own tools. For little green-fingers there’s a mini tool bag set with watering can, trowel, fork and rake. Briers Ladies’ Rigger Gloves Twin Pack £5.99 lawnmowers  direct.co.uk Amazing value! Sturdy floral gloves with suede palms to protect delicate hands. Blisters are gone Compact Fruit Garden £29.99, rocket  gardens.co.uk Soft fruit is not cheap but growing your own is. Compact fruit garden contains, strawberries, rhubarb, blackcurrant, gooseberry, raspberry and redcurrant plants. Yum.…

All night we stayed by her side, praying for a miracle Born a few minutes before me, I’d followed my twin sister into the world. So, it was only natural that she became the protective, outspoken one. She stuck up for me in the playground when another girl picked on me. As teenagers, she was always there for advice and a girly chat. And when Joel Hayden came into her life, I was keen to like him, too. ‘I met an amazing guy,’ she beamed, aged 17. Three years her senior, he seemed great, really funny. And smitten with my sister, always buying her flowers. But a year later, Renee moved from Maine, where we lived with our mum Pat Gerber, now 55, and stepdad Mark, 50, to Alabama, so…

A fistful of dollars When you're young, a fun day out is normally a trip to the park, the local swimming pool, the zoo or, if you're really lucky, a theme park. But the truth is, for 12-year-olds, unless they're really interested in art, going to a gallery isn't the most exciting of activities. But one boy in Taiwan definitely had a memorable visit to one. He was walking around a picture when he tripped, falling over the rope in front of the artwork and punching a hole through a 17th-century oil painting valued at £970,000! Luckily for him, the gallery didn't expect him to pick up the price tab for restoring it to its former glory. Phew! Give it the elbow When you own a Picasso painting, you probably…

CAT’S CRAZY Eye don't know what's going on ear, but this fella sure looks strange. GOT IT LICKED This pretty puss seems to be a little tongue-tied! FELINE ROUGH? We reckon someone's been at the catnip again… SHAKE IT OFF! Doesn't this kitty look fur-bulous? WATER SHOCK! Seems it's hair today, gone tomorrow? You'd close your eyes too! Shake Cats by Carli Davidson is published by HarperDesign, priced £17.99. Available now .…

‘Being negative isn’t going to help me get through it’ Happily married to a wonderful man, to the outside world my life seemed perfect. But I was living with a niggling worry, as breast cancer haunted the women in my family. The disease had killed my great grandmother and my great aunt. My grandmother had also battled it and won. So, even though I’d never noticed any lumps or had any symptoms, because of my family history, I wasn’t taking chances. And I went to a genetic testing clinic at Chapel Allerton Hospital in Leeds, where I was told I was one of the highest risk people they’d ever seen. ‘We’ve detected the BRCA1 gene,’ doctors told me, after blood tests. I knew this gene increased the risk of breast,…

TREATMENT OCD can't be cured, but it can be managed. The first step is realising you need help. Studies predict that only 10% of OCD sufferers have sought help. Once in treatment, patients tend to undergo Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). In some situations, antidepressants like Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are prescribed too. DR VEALE SAYS: 'Cognitive behaviour therapy involves testing out one's fears, doing the things that one is avoiding and resisting one's compulsions and learning to tolerate the anxiety. These therapies help at least 70% of people.' WHAT ABOUT SSRIS? 'Again they help about the same number of people, but they have a higher rate of relapse when patients stop taking them.' STRESSED OUT OCD's relationship with stress, which makes the disorder worse, has led many to assume…

Aries 21 Mar - 20 Apr Friendships and sociability are to the fore as March begins. These are boosted by the arrival of your ruler Mars on the 6th into the most outgoing part of your ‘scope. Over the next six months, be mindful of your emotional and psychological needs, especially if you're determined to score big career goals. • Call 0905 817 1760* for more. Taurus 21 Apr - 21 May It can be a case of who you know at the start of this month Taurus, and meetings and ideas are going to be important over the next half-year. As your ruler Venus arrives in the most social sector on the 12th you may find yourself becoming more aware of one friend and this could go all the…

I battled to get air in through Zayden’s swollen lips Where I grew up, everyone was matey – always looking out for each other. That’s why one boy at school stood out. ‘He seems like a loner,’ a friend said. Younger than us, at 13, he said kids in his class picked on him. My friends and I took him under our wing. ‘I want to kill myself,’ he admitted one day. ‘Nothing’s ever that bad,’ I insisted, thinking about my dad, Ricky, who died, suddenly, when I was 10, from a brain aneurysm. Anyway, this odd kid hung around with us for six months, then disappeared. Rumour was he’d moved schools. But I soon forgot about him. Falling pregnant at 18, when felt complete. ‘You’re a mini me,’ I…

People always try to touch my bum, pinch it or take photos with it Cameras flashing, fans screaming, I searched in my bag for a pen. ‘They’ll want autographs,’ I sighed to my hubby DJ Washington, 34. Blinded by the lights, I opened the car door to meet my adoring public. Then… mayhem. Within minutes fans crowded around. ‘Take a selfie with me, Nicki!’ one girl cried. ‘Sign this,’ another begged, handing me a notebook. Within minutes, 500 people were surrounding the vehicle. Then they began shaking it. ‘I’m scared for our lives,’ I told my husband, scrabbling into the back seat. ‘Go!’ he screamed at the driver. We made a quick escape. Who knows what might have happened if we hadn’t. It was my first taste of fame and…

You have a Bounty as part of your five a day – what? It's, like, mostly fruit right?! Is coconut even a fruit? You might need to switch to chocolate dipped strawberries instead… Your child’s writing about planets for their homework and you immediately reach for a Mars bar Hot chocolate is no longer made with cocoa powder and hot water – it's melted Dairy Milk and cream You’re watching a film set in a galaxy far, far away. Inspired, you walk a mile to the nearest shop for a bar of the lovely stuff It's your wedding day and your gift list is held at Cadbury's Your partner really loves Eminem you really love M&Ms You have to be held back from eating your choc-scented lip balm You let…

1 You and your best mate are out shopping, she tries on an outfit which really emphasises her curves, she asks if she looks fat in it. You say… a ‘It makes your bum look really big, you need to cover up’ b ‘No, but I think this [whipping out a much more flattering outfit] will really suit you’ c ‘It’s not the best but with a few alterations…’ and then think of the perfect fabric to make it amazing d ‘No’ because you can’t face upsetting her 2 You're visiting a friend and her baby and wearing a lovely new top. While holding the little one, she's sick on your shoulder. You… a Hand the baby back and storm out. That’s the last time you’ll be visiting! b Somehow…

We had to use a pushchair to get Elizabeth around Being a mum-of-three is a full-time career in itself, never mind juggling it with my two other jobs as a cleaner and a baker. It was late one September evening in 2014, and I’d just got the kids, Elizabeth, now 6, William, 4, and Nicholas, 11 months, to bed. I’d gone out the back of our home in Peterborough to check the electricity meter when I noticed the shed door had been kicked in. ‘What on earth!’ I gasped as, on closer inspection, I spotted Elizabeth’s wheelchair had gone. Which callous thieves would steal a disabled child's wheelchair? ‘I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do at this time of night,’ the police said when I phoned them, my hands trembling.…

Even my physio was amazed by the results Clinging on to the banister, struggling to get up the stairs, I knew something had to change. Suffering consistent pain on and off for 25 years, I really needed some relief. Women in my family had been plagued by the painful joint condition osteoarthritis. Mum had it in her hands and wrist, Nan had it in her hip and back, and my aunt suffered in her neck. When I reached my 30s, I started realising I had the same problem, too. I was forced to give up running, which I loved and started cutting back on going out, just to make the pain more bearable. My back, elbows, neck and ankles felt crippled. My worried daughter, who is a nurse, suggested I…

No way was Elizabeth spending all that cash We’ve all heard jokes about mother-in-laws. But I’d really lucked out when it came to my hubby Alan’s mum Elizabeth. Not only was she a good friend to me, but a role model, too. ‘I hope I have your energy at your age!’ I’d tease. At 98, Elizabeth lived alone, did all her own cooking, washing, shopping… ‘Got to keep busy!’ she’d always say. The only thing Elizabeth would accept help with was the cleaning. We were recommended a local cleaner called Ivy Peachey. Since 2005, she’d been going to Elizabeth’s once a fortnight, charging £12 for two hours’ work. At first, we were a bit worried about a stranger being in Elizabeth’s home. But Ivy soon put paid to that. She…

She’d been stabbed 13 times in her chest, neck and leg Vanessa Pham was dead, murdered by an unknown passenger in her own car. For two-and-a-half years, the trail for her killer was cold. And then he committed another crime… Losing Vanessa was bad enough. Knowing she’d been murdered made it worse. And that her killer hadn’t been found was a pain almost too much to bear. But that’s what Vanessa Pham’s family lived with every day. ‘I don’t know why somebody would kill her,’ Vanessa’s mum Julie told journalists and the police. ‘We want to know why.’ The day they lost her had been an ordinary Sunday in June 2010. Vanessa, 19, was home from college for the summer, back in the Vienna, Virginia, apartment she shared with her…

With enviable beaches, cheap massages and creamy curries aplenty, Goa seemed like the perfect place to experience when in need of a sunny pick-me-up. How was the journey? After a nice big breakfast at Gatwick Airport, we set off on Thomas Cook’s 9am flight to Goa. At nine hours it was a long journey, but catching up with new movies helped to pass the time. Once we landed, it took about 45 minutes to get our visas and then another half hour to drive to our hotel. We didn’t arrive until midnight local time, so we were happy to flop out straight on the bed! What was the accommodation like? Our double room had a little patio with a hammock, which we squabbled over every morning, and a table and…

To do… Grab a Guinness and a leprechaun beard because it's time to celebrate St Patrick's Day. Manchester has a massive parade, which will fill the city's streets on 13 March. www.manchester  irishfestival.co.uk To buy… If your bloke ‘borrows’ your underwear, how about buying him his own? These even come in red and pink! Men’s lace boxers, £19.99, www.firebox.com To watch… We all know kittens are cute but what about one who manages to look surprised? This clip's sure to raise a smile. www.youtube.com/  watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8…

My boob had gone from black and swollen to puss-filled As I heard the patter of feet approaching my room, I pulled back my duvet in anticipation. Right on cue, my little lad Alfie, then 5, raced in and dived into bed for a cuddle. He did it every morning. But this morning, as he nuzzled in, a sharp pain shot through my chest. ‘Ouch!’ I winced. I’d noticed a tiny scratch with a bit of pus below my left nipple the day before, but dismissed it. That morning, 14 August 2014, it was sore. Then, as I got out of bed, I felt light-headed. ‘Mummy isn’t feeling well,’ I told Alfie. ‘Why don’t you watch telly for half an hour?’ ‘OK,’ he said happily. Moments later, I was sick.…

I dressed her in coats and frocks, which protected her from chafing Trundling along the pavement, we were greeted by squeals of excitement. Sure, my dinky dogs, Lexi, Pumpkin and Maury, were cute canines. But, unlike most pooches, these pups were each the proud owners of their own set of wheels. You see, these rescue hounds were all disabled – although, thanks to specially designed doggy wheelchairs, they were bombing about happily. My hubby Tom, 58, and I had been fostering pups for around a decade. We’d welcomed over 100 canines into our New York home since 2005, caring for them while new owners were found. Lexi – a 3-month-old Maltese Pekinese – had come to live with us in November 2013, after a rescue home in Brooklyn had written…

There was a strong chance I’d never be a mum They were words I hadn’t heard before. But somehow I just knew they were bad news. ‘Uterus what?’ I asked. ‘Uterus didelphys,’ the doctor repeated. ‘It means as well as having two cervixes, you also have two wombs.’ It was 2012 and I was 38. A couple of days before, I’d been for a routine smear test when they’d noticed something odd… ‘It’s nothing to worry about,’ the doctor went on now. ‘Why hasn’t anyone noticed before?’ I asked. Everything down there looked totally normal, and I’d always been good about having regular smears, had been examined by several doctors over the years. But she couldn’t say. There was a possibility alternate cervixes had been examined during my smears, so…

Some even had scruffy, bed-head hair, caused by getting busy! On a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire, a naked couple start to get jiggy… ‘That looks great,’ the photographer smiled, snapping away. But these aren’t rude snaps for a magazine… In fact, the models aren’t human. Nope, they’re far woollier than most... Everything in the cabin scene, from the lovers to the rug and even a moose’s head on the wall, is knitted... By me! And this isn’t the only saucy scene I’ve made. I’ve knitted enough naughtiness to fill a book. Wool you believe it?! I’ve been knitting since my mum and gran taught me at the age of 7, and, as a girl, I knitted a few jumpers. But growing up, I got a bit…

Nervously, I sneaked up, and planted a big smooch on its face As a kid, I loved doing things that got the adrenaline going. Skiing, skateboarding, mountain climbing, martial arts… Scary? Not for me! And, as a teenager, I became obsessed with watching the TV programme Jackass. So seeing Johnny Knoxville and his crew do pranks and stunts got me thinking… Could I do that? There certainly weren’t many women doing these kinds of things on film. So I’d stand out. Perfect! In June 2005 I embarked on my first ever stunt. ‘I’m going to do paintballing, wearing just a bikini,’ I smiled, excitedly. ‘What?’ my mum Janel laughed. ‘You’re bonkers!’ ‘Well, I’ve done paintballing before,’ I smiled. ‘Yes but you did it in a protective suit,’ Mum said. True.…

Red alert Q My hubby's been passing blood in his urine and has had a pain in his side for weeks now, but is refusing to see a doctor. Should I press him to go? Catrin, Swansea A Definitely. Anyone passing blood in the urine needs to be urgently investigated. There are many reasons for it – more common causes can be infection and kidney stones – or more sinister causes like bladder or kidney cancer. It could even be prostate cancer in older men. GPs are very good at doing basic tests and make appropriate referrals to hospitals where he can be investigated properly. That is the best way to get reassured, and if the specialist did find something sinister, then further discussions will take place on investigation and…

CUTENESS OVERLOAD! Just like its mummy it's soft, fluffy and very comforting… BEYOND THEPAIL Don't worry, these little fellas won't kick the bucket! SUMMIT UP? To us it's a slight step – to this poor chap it's a mountain to climb… CRUISE CONTROL When life gets you down, mum's there to give you a lift… HIPPY CHICK Aaaaaw, petal – you are so cute… MEAN GIRLS They may be pretty, but they just told the ugly duckling: ‘You can't sit with us' EGG-SPECTING If they think their siblings might be about to be born, they could be waiting quite a while……

Ross scooped me up in his arms, to whoops and cheers Weddings were always key in my relationship with my fiancé. I first met Ross Cohen, 31, after crashing a friend’s wedding party! It was 2011 and Ross was visiting Philadelphia from Los Angeles for the weekend. Our friends played Cupid, saying we were a perfect fit. ‘Maybe...’ I hesitated. I was too shy to chat up a guy, but luckily Ross struck up a conversation. And there was an instant connection. We even shared the same birthday – 17 July. It must have been fate! We began dating and in 2013, Ross, a wealth strategist, moved to Philadelphia to live with me. On 11 July 2014, during a casual drink, he got down on one knee and proposed! ‘Yes,’…

Dinner is served! Everyone teases me because I'm the laziest when it comes to cooking - if it's not frozen or a ready meal, I'm not interested. But just because I don't cook doesn't mean I can't cook! So when I had friends coming round for dinner they were so surprised that I'd cooked a full five-course dinner. They were convinced they'd be getting a takeaway! I went all out - I started with making my own soup, then there was a salad, then a main of fish pie, veg and new potatoes, then pudding which was crumble and ice-cream (home-made, of course!), and even chocolates to finish! It took me ages to make and prepare, but I was determined to surprise everyone! Pals couldn't believe that not only had…