Innehållsförteckning för May 2014 från Maxim

We salute the troops; the troops salute us. If it were possible to have a saluting gangbang, it’d look a lot like this page. PICKLER ROCKS Kellie Pickler [2012’s Maxim Salute to the Military cover girl] came to my base in 2007, and she rocked out. Not only did she let a soldier sing her song “Red High Heels” with her, but she also signed autographs for all of us that said, “I love you and your music.” —Capt. Daniel Bryce Dunn, via e-mail 1 BEST BUDS Hi, huge fan of you guys. Thanks for keeping the motivation from home coming overseas to all of us. My name is Jake Pennings, and I’m a petty officer second class writing from Manama, Bahrain. In the attached photo, I’m sitting with my…

While filming Da Vinci’s Demons in Wales, were you ever homesick for anything from Colombia? For fruit and juices! I also really missed salsa dancing. There is no salsa in Wales. You represented your nation’s capital as Miss Bogotá, right? Yes, but it’s a funny story. The year I competed, the viewers chose the winner, and I think the reason I won was that I wasn’t a typical “Miss” anything. For my first appearance I was wearing jeans, and I had my nose pierced. It was a disaster, so people loved that! I ended up losing the title as well. Let’s hear that story. After I won I did a shoot with a health magazine for an article about the spine. My bikini top was untied so that you could…

With riders falling 17 stories at 65 mph, the Verrückt (German for “insane”) is the world’s tallest and fastest water slide, opening May 23 at Schlitterbahn Waterpark in Kansas City, Kansas. All it’s missing? A more apt German name. Here are our suggestions. PROPOSED GERMAN NAME PROPOSED GERMAN NAME Darmeinlauf Abenteuer Water Enema Adventure Kotzen Spritzer Vomit Splash Ein Wirklich Tolle Methode Um Ein Gehirn-Parasit Zu Werden A Really Fun Way to Contract a Brain-Eating Parasite Lagune des Prozess Lawsuit Lagoon Feuchte Albträume Wet Nightmares Wedgie Wellenbad Wedgie Wavetown Ertrinken mit Gebrüll It’s Hard to Scream When You’re Drowning Wildwasser des Durchfalls Raging Diarrhea Rapids Zu Schlucken Vom Jemand Anderem Eine Nasse Band-Aid Ist Unvermeidbar Swallowing Someone Else’s Wet Band-Aid Is Unavoidable…

How did you first get involved with the USO? In 2007 Robin Williams asked me to join him on a Christmas tour, and that was the beginning of it. Where have you gone? Over three tours I’ve gone to Afghanistan, Kuwait, Iraq, Kyrgyzstan, Bahrain, Italy, Spain, and England. Oh, and Germany. Each tour was a week long, all over Christmas. But you don’t celebrate Christmas, right? No. God, I’m barely Jewish. So it’s no hardship being away during the holiday? No, we do it before Christmas or right near it, so it’s not a hardship. As a matter of fact, it’s more Christmasy than being at home. Why is that? Because it’s real. Nobody is trying to sell me shit. Do you use special material when you’re doing a show…

All hail the queen! No, not that old British bag with the corgis. We’re paying our royal respects to Eiza Gonzalez, who plays queen vampire Santanico Pandemonium on From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series. The mucho caliente Mexican actress is bringing new life to the character played by Salma Hayek in the movie version. Will she also be reprising Salma’s sexy dance scene involving a python and very little clothing? Hope so. Our combined love of Eiza and fear of snakes is giving us feelings we’ve never had before! Catch From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on the new El Rey Network.…

WORK OUT LIKE A MANIAC I exercise five to six hours every day because I have to be in the best shape of my life. I need to get to the top of the mountain and still have a lot of strength, power, and fortitude left to complete the second half of the mission. I do a lot of running and hiking. TEST THE SKIES There’s no place on Earth where I can test the wing suit in the exact way I will be using it on Everest, but I can jump from aircraft in California just to see how the suit moves and functions. In Utah and the Swiss Alps, I can see how it works in cold and windy conditions. SAVE THE DATE What happens during the first…

PICK THE RIGHT RIDE You need a car that’s comfortable, fast, and sufficiently reliable. We chose a Mercedes-Benz CL55 AMG with an axis extension so that it would stay level as we burned through the 400 pounds of gas we added in auxiliary fuel cells. AVOID TRAFFIC AND JOHNNY LAW We equipped the car with radar detectors, laser jammers, navigation systems, and cradles for phones and iPads. We had traffic data from Google, SiriusXM satellite traffic, Waze, Trapster, and binoculars, and we also had spotters who drove 150 to 200 miles ahead to let us know what the road would look like. STOCK UP, BUT CONTROL YOURSELF We brought along some nutrition bars, juice shakes, and smoothies. We tried to stay away from anything that would be too peaky, but…

Look at What You Don’t See in Photos If there are five pictures of the car and not one shows the rear left door panel, you can guess it has a bullet hole in it. And always ask for maintenance records to make sure someone isn’t just passing their problems on to you. Discriminate You want to steer clear of the first two years of the model, before the kinks were all worked out. Also, avoid purchasing cars in a salt belt or coastal city, since the cars there are prone to rust. Good states to buy from are California, Texas, and Arizona. Beware of Foreigners! Just like you shouldn’t give a Nigerian prince your bank details, you should think twice before depositing money into a foreign bank account. A…

Snake River Farms Meat “You know how they say garbage in, garbage out? Same thing for barbe cuing. You need to start out with good pork or beef. Snake River Farms meat, based out of Idaho, is all I use.” snakeriverfarms.com Myron Mixon Pitmaster Q3 Pellet Grill and Smoker “It’s a set-it-and-forget-it type, because we use pellets. It’s great for small patios, plus you can set the dial for smoking, grilling, or baking. It does all three.” $600, sears.com iDevices iGrill Mini “Plug the cord into your meat and monitor the cooking as you sit in the house and watch from your iPhone. Then, when it starts getting close to done, grab the Thermapen and check it manually.” $40, idevicesinc.com Royal Oak Charcoal “Just because it’s a Georgia coal, and…

2013 Hometown Hotties champ Dessie Mitcheson takes your breath away, Navy style. HOMETOWN Apollo, Pennsylvania BIRTHDAY June 30, 1990 Who do you consider the greatest American hero? All the men and women who risk their lives every day, so that could be the military, the police departments, anyone who’s helping and protecting us. What are your own special skills? I’m a hairstylist, so I’d say making people feel good about themselves. I’d keep the guys in the military looking sharp! What would you take into battle with you? I would probably get really hungry along the way, so I’d have to take some beef jerky. Who would be today’s hottest military pin-up girl? Definitely Megan Fox. She’d be my pin-up! How would you show a sailor on leave a good…

Brittney Glaze makes a splash for the Coast Guard. HOMETOWN Conyers, Georgia BIRTHDAY December 28, 1988 Do you consider a man in uniform a turn-on? Oh, yes. Every uniform shows a man’s best, ahem, assets… The pants are a little tighter than what they usually wear! Who’s the ultimate military pin-up girl? I’d have to say Rosie the Riveter. She was pretty awesome. Do you have any skills that would be relevant to the military? I know how to shoot pistols and rifles, and I also bow-hunt. What’s your special message to the troops? It’s for the Cavalry Scouts in the Army, in which a lot of my friends are serving: Thank you for all you do. I will forever owe you everything.…

The first rule of mascoting is obvious: Don’t take off your head in public (kids will freak out). The second rule doesn’t hit me until I’m sitting beside a 6’2" anthropomorphic seal on public transit: Don’t forget people expect ham, lots of it, at all times. Today I’m escorting Lou Seal, a fuzzy gray manimal in king-size sunglasses and a San Francisco Giants jersey, to a charity drive, and we’re running late—our train is stalled underground near AT&T Park. As commuters grumble, Lou does the Running Man, pops ’n’ locks, and knocks out a few pull-ups on the train’s overhead bar. When an off-duty Muni driver approaches holding up his cell phone like Lloyd Dobler and blasting “Gangnam Style,” Lou puts one fist over the other, rocks his shoulders, and…

If bottle service were an HBO show, you might liken it to modern-day Rat Pack fantasies of Entourage. But the practice of charging exorbitant prices for bottles at nightclub tables is actually better traced to Boardwalk Empire. The seeds were planted during Prohibition, when the sale of a single bottle at a speakeasy was less risky than selling drink after drink. “The drinkers were not breaking the law by having a bottle on their table,” says Daniel Okrent, author of Last Call: The Rise and Fall of Prohibition. “The federal agent had to witness the sale, so buying a bottle was a one-moment risk.” Despite those primordial beginnings, popping bottles didn’t really take off until the turn of the millennium. Popularized by VIPs crammed into banquettes at Manhattan hot spots…

p.3: Whiskey, Pavelis/iStock; Ducati 1199 Superleggera, courtesy of Ducati p.4: (1) courtesy of Jake Pennings; (2) courtesy of Todd Stawicki; (3) courtesy of Josh Jones p.6: Electro, courtesy of Sony Pictures; Twitter, Zoe Mc-Connell p.12: Lion, Photo disc/Getty Images; dog, Laures/iStock; Ariel Castro, Associated Press; Tsarnaev, FBI Photo/Alamy; Hitler, Mary Evans Picture Library/Alamy; Castro, Jose Goitia/Getty Images; Kim Jong Un, KCNA/Reuters; Sandusky, Patrick Smith/Getty Images p.13: Waterslide, Austral Int./Rex/Associated Press (2); scolding mom, Jim Cornfield/Corbis p.18: Horse, J. David Ake, Associated Press/Corbis; bourbon, fcafotodigital/iStock; Millbrook, Jessie Palumbo; Nach Bar, Courtenay Kunnecke p.19: Julep, Feig & Feig/Stockfood p.20: Eiza Gonzales, courtesy of El Rey Network p.22: Orange kitten, 68/Corbis; gray tabby, Mark Taylor/Corbis; brown kitten, Creativ Studio Heinemann/Imagebroker/Corbis; parking meter, Stephen Swintek/Getty Images; priest, David Freund/Getty Images p.23: Rogen, Gregg DeGuire/Getty;…

Five extra ways to get more Maxim this month. (Six if you also invite us over for dinner.) With The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and its 57 bad guys hitting theaters this month, take our important quiz: Are you a supervillain? Use our Spring Break Guide to match your destination to your experience. Prison again?! Mother’s Day is coming. Check out our picks of the most booze-filled activities to get you through it. Facebook Attention, opinion-havers: Go to Facebook.com/MaximMagazine and tell us what you think of our shoots, jokes…and these jeans we just bought. Twitter Start your day the best possible way: with Today’s Girl! A new sexy lady each weekday morning, from @MaximMag straight to your rascally eyeballs. Instagram Follow @MaximMag and you’ll get the first look at all our…

SNOOP LION Visitors at a zoo in China last summer complained when the “lion” they came to see looked, barked, and pissed on everything exactly like a Tibetan mastiff. On the upside, if you petted the beast, it wouldn’t eat you. SNAKE FAKE-OUT A curator at the Houston Zoo in 1984 found a way to ensure his star coral snake would never die: He re placed it with a rubber toy. Visitors were unhappy because they expected to see live, breathing animals at the zoo. Whiners. PIGGY SMALLS In 2010 Catherine Dawes purchased a “micro pig,” which the breeder promised would grow to be no larger than a small dog. But “small dog” could describe Dudley’s turds after he ballooned to 280 pounds. VANITY FERRETS Dog lovers were surprised to…

VIDEO GAMES Mom says: “They’ll rot your brain!” Science says: They boost your brain power! Researchers at the University of California found that video games that involve driving improve memory and attention in elderly players. Time to ask for Grand Theft Auto XXXIV for your 80th birthday. ALCOHOL Mom says: “No one loves a drunken man-whore!” Science says: Booze makes you a better lover. According to The Journal of Sexual Medicine, men who drink moderately are 30 percent less likely to be impotent than those who don’t imbibe. Sadly, that means all those times you blamed limpness on whiskey was really just your penis being lazy. BACON Mom says: “It’ll give you a heart attack, and you’ll leave your mother alone. Is that what you want?!” Science says: Bacon makes…

MILLBROOK DISTILLERY DUTCHESS PRIVATE RESERVE 45% ABV, $38 Kentuckians, look away. The staff fave didn’t come from the Bluegrass State but from a town 90 miles north of N.Y.C. Made with fresh spring water and local ingredients, it has complex oak and caramel notes and a crisp finish. The distillery may be a two-hour train ride from Grand Central, but this elixir feels as Kentucky as Colonel Sanders. Tester’s take: “Like being kissed by a sunny field. Tongues and everything.” Dive Bar of the Month Nachbar, Louisville, KY Four miles from the khaki’d crowds of Churchill Downs is a bar where you might rub elbows with a guy in overalls selling nickel bags of his homemade jerky. Besides having regulars like Rusty the Beef Jerky Guy, Nachbar has a killer…

—Charles Lama “A turtle’s shell is a modified rib cage designed for protection,” says veterinarian and herpetologist Kevin Fitzgerald, DVM, adding that some shells can withstand nearly 200 pounds per square inch of pressure. While physicists would need to know the dimensions of a truck and the shell to determine the force the critter would be nailed with, Fitzgerald has seen them survive hit-and-runs and carnivore attacks. “We even see pets that landed in the family dog’s mouth, whose jaws can generate between 150 and 450 pounds per square inch of pressure,” he says. No wonder these guys outlasted T.Rex. Can poop come out of anywhere besides your butt?—John Kanaris Marc Leavey, M.D., at Mercy Medical Center gives an alarmingly enthusiastic “Yes!” Certain infections and traumas can create connections between…

Materials: • 1 paper towel cardboard tube • Duct tape • Hobby knife • 1 barbecue lighter • 1 small ruler • Hair spray or body spray containing alcohol, propane, or butane • Ping-Pong balls • Safety glasses 1 Cover one end of the tube with duct tape and create a small incision. Insert one to two inches of the lighter’s nozzle through it. 2 Seal any openings around the incision to prevent loss of combustion. This is your ignition source. 3 Tape the ruler on top, bridging the tube and lighter. 4 Hold your device so that the muzzle end of the barrel is lower than the combustion chamber. Shoot a little bit of the hair spray into the tube. 5 Insert a Ping-Pong ball into the tube. Safely…

Bar Rescue’s JON TAFFER rescues your home from sobriety. Summon the Spirits There are seven core spirits any bar should have: scotch, gin, rum, tequila, vodka, brandy or cognac, and American bourbon or rye. Flavored vodkas are hot right now, so add a bottle of jalapeño-or vanilla-flavored. Mix ’Em Up There are a few cordials you’ll need: triple sec, sweet and sour, and, for the ladies, some cosmopolitan and mai tai mix. For martinis and Manhattans, you need dry and sweet ver - mouth (remember to refrigerate those once opened). Go Small When it comes to juice and soda, buy everything in small individual cans so they’re always fresh. If you buy in big bottles, you’ll be throwing half of it away. Garnishes like lemon and lime will go bad,…

Just in time for Cinco de Mayo comes a crazy treat from CHEF MICHAEL ARMSTRONG at Bodega Negra in New York City. You’re gonna need a bigger chip! METHOD Starting at the bottom, add one cup at a time of each ingredient to a large glass bowl with straight sides. 1 Refried beans, canned 2 Spicy chorizo, cooked 3 Cilantro rice 4 Pico de gallo 5 Pepper jack cheese, grated 6 Cool Ranch Doritos 7 Romaine lettuce, shredded 8 Red onions, diced 9 Bean chili, canned 10 Chili Cheese Fritos 11 Macaroni salad 12 Roasted corn 13 Guacamole 14 Cheddar cheese, grated 15 Thai fried rice (from your favorite local joint) 16 Pickled jalapeños 17 BBQ pulled pork 18 Maple glazed bacon, chopped 19 Salsa verde 20 Black beans 21…

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Gorgeous Mayra Tinajero keeps the Army going strong. HOMETOWN San Diego, California BIRTHDAY June 22, 1985 Have you ever dated a man in the military? I have, and I would do it again. Do you find men in uniform a turn-on? Definitely. It’s basically the male version of being all dolled up, and I want to have my own An Officer and a Gentleman moment! How would you defend yourself in battle? I can do a really scary impression of Sméagol from The Lord of the Rings, so that would definitely creep people out. I also took karate for seven years. How would you show a soldier on leave a good time in your hometown? We’d start with some day drinking at the beach, have lunch at the Hard Rock,…

Things are looking up thanks to Brittney Alger’s salute to the Air Force. HOMETOWN Biloxi, Mississippi BIRTHDAY October 25, 1988 Would you ever date a man in the military? Absolutely. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what kind of job the person I fall in love with has, except possibly a garbageman. What’s your own special skill? I would have to say it’s my ability to read people from a distance and recognize their motives. It’s gotten me in and out of quite a few situations. Who would be today’s hottest military pin-up girl? Scarlett Johansson, because she’s a classic beauty with a great body. Plus, she’s pretty badass. I mean, she’s in The Avengers! How would you show an airman on leave a good time in your hometown? We’d head to…

DOMINATE YOUR REC LEAGUE 1 NOKONA CUSTOM SOFTBALL GLOVE This Texas shop makes some of the best mitts known to hands. Now their models are customizable, thanks to the factory’s online tool. Spec out a size, choose a web style, pick a lace color, even add custom embroidery. Bonus: They’re still built in the Lone Star State, just like they’ve been forever. Starts at $340, nokona.com 2 LOUISVILLE SLUGGER Z-3000 When it comes to bashing softballs, a thin-walled bat tends to hit with more pop but has less durability. Fortunately, with this ball-buster you can have it both ways: The barrel is reinforced with ittybitty graphite fibers that add strength while keeping the wall model thin. $299, slugger.com BOWLING DEXTER SST8 BOWLING SHOES You don’t know whose feet were in…

What’s a typical day for you in terms of fitness? I normally train in the morning, doing boxing or yoga. I used to be a fanatic and train two to four hours per day. We bet you’re still pretty competitive. Look, I’ve smashed tennis rackets before. It’s irrational. I have to win. You recently launched a fitness boot camp. Are you a tough trainer? I’m nice, but I’ll still push you to your limits! The Aussie tabloids track your every move. Ever tempted to throw a right hook? Some people just see the crazy, party side of me and not my fun, laid-back persona, which is what I’m really all about. Lastly, do you twerk? I don’t twerk, but I’m a fan of Kate Upton, and watching her inspired me…

17 YEARS OF MAXIM Melissa Joan Hart There’s a reason Melissa Joan Hart was so damn happy at our cover shoot back in 1999. Turns out that, in addition to ruling ABC’s TGIF block as the bewitching teen Sabrina, the sexy bad girl was also high on ecstasy! (Yup, she made that admission just last year.) Today she’s way less wild, with a husband, kids, and a gig with fellow ’90s icon Joey Lawrence on ABC Family’s Melissa & Joey. Listen, maturity happens to all of us, but in our minds she’ll always be “Our Favorite Witch Without a Stitch.”…

We realize it’s impossible to give the men and women of the United States military all the thanks they deserve, but we figured, hey, let’s give it a shot! To that end we recruited five of our hottest Hometown Hotties (the key word here is hot) and let them loose on the picturesque grounds of the Sheraton Hacienda del Mar Golf & Spa Resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. (We’re talking about 28 acres of pure beachfront paradise overlooking the Sea of Cortez.) Our goal? To produce five individual, equally sexy covers, each one dedicated to a different branch of the military. So whether you’re a proud serviceman or woman in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, or Coast Guard, or just a regular Joe who’s thankful for everything the…

1. “He was a wonderful boss. I lived with him for five years. We were the closest people who worked with him…We were always there. He was never without us, day and night.” 2. “He is a great guy, he loves basketball, and he’s interested in building trust and understanding through sport and cultural exchanges.” 3. “The man I knew 50 years ago was an outstanding football player, a pretty good student, and, in general, a very good human being.” 4. “He is very selfless and moral, one of the world’s wisest men.” 5. “He was a good neighbor all the time.” 6. “He was so sweet. He is a golden person, really just a genuine good guy who was cool with everyone.”…

How do you want to go? Surrounded by throngs of young Jewish women asking me what Andy Cohen is really like. Will you be going to heaven or hell? I will be going to the Daytime Emmys. What’s the first thing you’ll ask God (if you see Him)? Is Parks and Recreation going to be renewed? The devil? Have you seen me on Parks and Recreation? What Billy on the Street contestant has come closest to sending you to the afterlife? One time I asked an old lady about oral sex. She slapped me across the face very hard, and it stung. And on the new season, Lindsay Lohan and I do a special segment that made me start bleeding. You’ll have to watch to find out why. While you…

To complete your Derbywatching experience, try this spin on the classic mint julep. Then drink it while you wear a ridiculously oversize hat. FOR THE BIRDS Created by mixologist Chris Wilkins at Proof on Main in Louisville. • 3 sprigs of mint • 3/4 oz. simple syrup, divided • 2 oz. bourbon • 1/4 oz. overproof rum • 2 dashes mole bitters Muddle mint with 1/4 oz. of the simple syrup. Add the bourbon, rum, bitters, the remaining simple syrup, and a scoop of ice. Stir it all together and serve in a glass. Garnish with a fresh mint sprig.…

Two bees are buzzing around a rosebush. “How was your summer?” asks bee number one. “Not too good,” says bee two. “Too cold. Not enough flowers or pollen.” The first bee has an idea. “Go down to the corner and hang a left. There’s a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and fruit.” Bee two buzzes, “Thanks!” and takes off. An hour later they bump into each other again. “How was the bar mitzvah?” asks the first bee. “Great!” the second replies. The first bee looks at his pal and asks, “What’s that on your head?” “A yarmulke,” says bee two. “I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp.” —BOBBY STEIGER See if your funny bone is bigger than ours. Send your funnies to jokes@maxim.com or tweet…

Sacramento Kings’ DEMARCUS COUSINS on getting in the paint. Welcome the Pain The hardest part of the game is getting it through your head that you’re definitely going to get shot. For guys who are used to winning or competitive like me, you’ve got to accept it. Watch your hands, though. That’s the most painful place to take a hit. Don’t Be a Lone Gunman The crossover between paintball and basketball is the communication—you need each other. If you don’t have a team strategy, you’re going to lose. Discuss who is going to go out and be aggressive and who is still a little scared on the field, so they can shoot out from behind markers and cover for the aggressors. Beware of Big Weaponry Picking out a gun generally…

1 NO LAZY SUNDAYS The most important thing is consistency. You can’t run three miles four days a week at the gym and think you’ll make it. Aim for about a 10 percent increase every week. You don’t need to train a straight 100, but every two months go out and run for eight hours or go for a strenuous hike so you see how your body works after that amount of time. You’ll learn how to feel yourself, be able to tell what to eat, how to take care of your electrolytes, and how to stay involved in the race mentally. 2 DON’T FAKE IT You can stay fit by running on the treadmill, but it’s kind of like a gerbil wheel. You need to run outside to experience…

Legendary Italian motorcycle manufacturer Ducati has designed and assembled what may be the most nimble crotch rocket ever to hit the pavement: the 1199 Superleggera. To shed pounds and maximize agility, Ducati has incorporated a magnesium monocoque frame, magnesium wheels, and carbon-fiber bodywork. And the weight reduction doesn’t stop there (Richard Simmons would be proud): Titanium components and cutting-edge design come together with special two-ring pistons to form the lightweight yet incredibly powerful 200 hp Superquadro engine. The sum of all this Italian ingenuity: the highest power-to-weight ratio of any production motorcycle in history. Add a state-of-the-art Öhlins front and rear suspension and get racetrack-quality performance in a totally streetlegal bike. Bellissima!—Adam Linehan Spec Check PRICE $65,000 ENGINE L-twin cylinder HORSEPOWER 200 TORQUE 341.7 lb.-ft. TOP SPEED 200+ mph Rare…

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Real-life Marine Sgt. Shannon Ihrke is sexy to the Corps. HOMETOWN Rock Island, IL BIRTHDAY August 15, 1988 Have you ever dated a man in the military? I’m a Marine sergeant, so the answer is an absolute yes! Guys in the military are the best. What are your own special skills? I have martial arts training. I’m qualified with a pistol, an expert on the rifle range with an M-16, and have the Marines’ top swim qualification. Who do you consider to be the ultimate military pin-up? Rita Hayworth. I was looking at all these classic pin-ups from the 1940s, and I just think she’s the best. How would you show a fellow Marine on leave a good time in your hometown? I’d take him fishing and four-wheeling, followed by…

Before she started rocking the small screen, Sarah Dumont was a professional model, a career she says amounted to little more than a paycheck and an opportunity to party. Eager to pursue a more fulfilling line of work, the Cali native leveraged her good looks and talent to take on Hollywood. Now, in addition to roles on Seth MacFarlane’s Dads and opposite tough guy Danny Trejo in Bad Asses, she’s appearing on ABC’s Mixology, a new sitcom about singles trawling for love in a cocktail bar. While we can’t imagine anything better than waking up with Ms. Dumont after a night on the town, we’ve got a feeling this whiskey-drinking, cig-smoking, speed-bag-punching firecracker would leave us heading home with a black eye instead. Mixology takes place in a cocktail bar…

Hey, Jon! Hi. I feel like I know your name. Have we met? I used to live in a Dumpster outside your house. I was a big fan… Oh, right, that must be it! Let’s move on. You’re in this movie Million Dollar Arm, based on the true story of JB Bernstein, a baseball agent who had an idea to scout cricket players in India. For whatever reason, the story of these pitchers, Rinku and Dinesh—which is a true story, 100 percent—missed me, and I’m a huge baseball fan. Maybe it’s because it happened to the Pirates, whom no one really cared about a few years ago. They were god-awful. Anyway, I loved the script, and googled it, and I was like, “Oh, shit, it really is a true story!”…

The good news: Many women are just as inclined as guys to choose no-string-sattached sex over traditional dating. The not-great news: A new study reveals that ladies are only half as likely as guys to orgasm during a casual romp. “For women, achieving orgasm is based on giving up control and going with the feelings that cascade from arousal,” says New York sex therapist Miriam Biddelman-Massin. “So it’s often difficult to climax with a stranger, who may turn you on but with whom you don’t feel comfortable.” But there are ways to make women feel secure enough to get the big O with a rando and therefore suggest a second round. Here, some tips to make sure your girl has a great time—even for one night only. START EARLY Since…