Innehållsförteckning för April/May 2019 från The Advocate

BABS SIPERSTEIN (1943 – 2019) Trans activist Barbra “Babs” Siperstein died at the age of 76, days after a New Jersey law was named in her honor that allows transgender people to change the gender on their birth certificates without having to undergo gender-confirmation surgery. She was surrounded by family, friends, and her partner, Dorothy, according to Insider NJ. Siperstein made history in 2009, when the then-chairman of the Democratic National Committee, Sen. Tim Kaine, appointed her to the executive committee of the DNC where she served until 2017. The first out trans member of the DNC, she was also a superdelegate for Hillary Clinton at the 2016 Democratic National Convention. An Army veteran, a business owner, and a parent to three kids, she also served as an original board…

Would you visit a city just to eat at one restaurant? Maybe you should, especially if its culinary offerings reflect the city’s cultural essence as well as Otoño. The Los Angeles restaurant beautifully nails L.A.’s melting pot vibe, infusing Spanish cuisine with Mexican and Asian flavors and California’s focus on fresh, local, sustainable ingredients—all while embracing a small plate and street-food spirit. It’s hard to believe that Otoño, which is widely hailed as L.A.’s hottest Spanish restaurant, is also one of the city’s newest, having just opened in late 2018. It’s also hard to believe that lesbian chef and owner Teresa Montaño wasn’t always destined for the kitchen. Instead she imagined her future on a soccer field. The New Mexico native was a soccer prodigy who began playing at 4…

In 2014, trans activist Andy Marra wrote a piece for HuffPost about looking for love in all the wrong faces, and finding many cis men too “fearful of anyone questioning their masculinity… [or] doubting their sexual orientation” to publicly date transgender women. “We live in a world where trans women—especially Black and brown trans women—are considered unworthy of dignity, respect, and love,” Marra tells The Advocate now. “We also live in a reality where toxic masculinity remains deeply embedded and even celebrated in our culture. It’s an insidious blend that contributes to the silencing and shaming of cis men attracted to or in relationships with trans women. For a cis man to be open about their relationship with a trans woman leaves them vulnerable to other cis men questioning their…

Queer people and religious institutions have long been pitted against each other, but in the last decade, as society has made progress toward equality, many churches have embraced same-sex wedding ceremonies. Even for those whose religious leaders may still argue that being LGBTQ is a sin, there are ways to have the traditional ceremony you always dreamt of. While the Roman Catholic Church itself does not approve of same-sex relationships, there are several denominations that consider themselves Catholic but do not report to the Vatican, and therefore take a more liberal view, offering same-sex ceremonies. These include Christ Catholic Church (ChristCatholic.church), Communion of Synodal Catholic Churches (SynodalCatholics.org), Catholic Apostolic Church in North America (CACINA.org), United Catholic Church (UnitedCatholic-Church.org), the National Catholic Church of America (NationalCatholic.org), and White Robed Monks of…

It’s not as glamorous as shopping for rings and gowns, but getting a marriage license is a requirement in all 50 states, with each having their own conditions. At least one future spouse (but often both) must appear in person at a county clerk’s office (or in some states, the office of another county official, such as a judge) to fill out the marriage license application in the presence of the official. If one or both people are state residents, the application fee can be as low as $20; for out-of-state couples it can be upwards of $150. Most states don’t require you to be a resident of the state in order to obtain a license there. Some form of identification is always required, usually a photo ID and proof…

Here’s the truth about wedding dresses and tuxes and the other things that grooms and brides or other betrothed wear: the more gender-normative you and your fashion choices are, the easier it will be to find what you want. Two traditionally masculine guys who want to wear suits have choices galore (Armani and Kenneth Cole have 100 percent HRC ratings) and the same goes for women buying wedding gowns (may we suggest David’s Bridal, a recent LGBTQ supporter?). Consider finding something online at an LGBTQ-supportive retailer like TheBlackTux.com and having it tailored to your body at home. If you’re a femme man or nonbinary person looking for a dress, or a butch or masculine woman trying to find a tux, things are a little dicier. If you’re trying to fit…

WorldPride 2019 is rapidly approaching, and we could not be more excited. In anticipation of this monumental event for the LGBTQ+ community, as well as for all of New York, we’ve chosen two Out Travelers to share what they do to celebrate New York Pride in their own personal style. From sunbathing on the beaches at Fire Island’s Cherry Grove, to admiring the picturesque views of the Empire State from the five highest peaks in the Catskills, these Out Travelers are going beyond the city limits to take their Pride experience to the next level. Travel writer, Barry Hoy, and Olympic athlete, Chris Mosier, celebrate New York Pride in very different ways, but that’s what makes this celebration so great! New York offers endless opportunities to make your Pride exactly…

A new report from Pew Research Center compared the social and political views of America’s youngest, post-Millennial generation (aged 13 to 21, known as “Gen Z”) to previous generations. 1 OUT OF 3 The number of Gen Zers who know someone that uses gender-neutral pronouns. 59 % The percentage of Gen Zers who stated that paperwork forms and online profiles should include gender options beyond “male” or “female.” Source: Pew Research Center report, “Generation Z Looks a Lot Like Millennials on Key Social and Political Issues,” released November 25, 2018.…

THE BATTLE FOR marriage equality sought to give same-sex couples the privileges and protection of lawful marriage. But while marriage itself has no distinct aesthetic, two men in tuxedos or two women in wedding dresses have become the symbol of our fight for marriage equality. In an Instagram and Pinterest world, it’s hard to escape this black-and-white vision of your big day. So, does that mean queer couples should venture into wedding conformity? I find it interesting how many LGBTQ couples have altered a few rules and procedures to otherwise fit inside a mold of traditional straight weddings. These traditions are dripping in religious oppression and misogyny, yet still hold a firm grip on people who not that long ago were excluded from the club. As a society, we have…

Sitting in an online chat room for transgender service members, back when she was still Laila Villanueva, Laila Ireland gave little thought to the attractive fellow trans service member in the group chat. It was 2012, and the former Army brat turned fourth-generation veteran was just starting to come out as trans both in her personal and professional life, and she would soon be leading inclusivity trainings with trans military advocacy groups like SPART*A and Outserve Trans. Then, her life made a swift turn. Two years later, Laila formally met Logan Ireland at a conference for trans military service members and unwittingly began a different story. “He just radiated confidence,” Ireland recalls. “And when he would speak, it was as if he and I were the only ones in the…

As marriage equality fights played out from California’s Proposition 8 ballot initiative to the eventual U.S. Supreme Court battles, advocates made the argument that “we are just like you” and susequently began to change hearts and minds faster than ever before. In response, the right went on an offensive to stop what some dramatically argued could be the beginning of the end of the world. High-profile politicians like former Pennsylvania senator and Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum misconstrued data to argue that same-sex marriage would ruin society. And while such attempts consistently fell flat when countered with actual research showing, for example, that same-sex parents were actually a positive impact on children, one talking point could make marriage equality leaders a bit nervous: nonmonogamy. “Marriage has already been weakened,” Santorum…

Of all the traditions LGBTQ couples discard (when was the last time you saw a garter toss or heard a vow with the word “obey” at a queer wedding?), the giving and wearing of rings isn’t one of them. That 2018 CMI wedding study found that over 90 percent of LGBTQ couples wear wedding rings, although men were far less interested in engagement rings. When shopping for rings, consider these tips: • Shop together. Yes, the down on the knee, surprise ring in the box proposal is beautiful in movies, but many LGBTQ couples want both partners to have a say in choosing the rings that will symbolize their commitment. Buying the ring together can cut down on ring regret, keep you both aware of the financial realities involved, and…

Everyone deserves to have a little fun before they walk down the aisle, and if there’s one group who knows how to party, it’s LGBTQs. So when it comes to pre-wedding celebrations, don’t be afraid to pull out all the stops or simply add a naughty straw to your decorative drink. The joy is in the details, which include party favors. Etsy.com has tons of stuff for queer parties, including matching shirts like “Two Brides Are Better Than One” and banners that read “Lesbian AF,” or “I’m Gay I Slay.” To truly make the pre-wedding party your own creation, it’s important to talk through the nonnegotiables. Think of these important questions: First, what do you want to get from the party? Call it whatever you want, but would you prefer…

Award-winning wedding planner and designer David Tutera has been creating gorgeous events for the past three decades. Now he’s merging his love for fashion and weddings in Lifetime’s eight-part series My Great Big Live Wedding with David Tutera, a visual banquet of wedding culture Honored by Life & Style as Best Celebrity Wedding Planner, Tutera has an impressive client list that includes Hollywood stars, royalty, politicians, and socialites. He’s also the author of seven books—all drawing inspiration from his unique attention to detail. The gay designer’s new bridal gown and menswear collection will also be rolled out for sale on DavidTutera.com as each episode ends. Viewers who see his dresses and other designs on TV will be free to purchase them on the spot, rather than waiting six to nine…

Who pays for an LGBTQ wedding? Sorry, but that answer is probably you. The vast majority of queer and trans couples (nearly three quarters, or 74 percent) paid for most, if not all, of the costs of their own wedding, according to CMI. Things may shift as Gen Z grows older, given that they have higher levels of family acceptance than many LGBTQ couples in the past. Going it alone influences a lot of wedding budget decisions. If you’re like the majority of respondents to a recent survey by the travel company Flash Pack, you too might “hesitate at spending the average $33,391 on a wedding” (66 percent—and 71 percent of women specifically—agreed). But, remember, whatever your budget, paying for your wedding yourself means you get to make all the…

WHEN I WAS 15 years old, I went on a class trip to Washington, D.C. A few months later, I kissed a boy for the first time—and by boy I mean man, but that’s another story for another column. Before you judge me for leaping too fast, I can only say that in my defense I was precocious. I guess that’s not really a defense, but so what. Being a good Southern church boy, my sexuality was the only rebellion I ever staged. And it was glorious. I had never even gotten detention before, so I savored that rebellion fully and completely. No longer conflicted, I put away my bible and brought an unceremonious end to my tortured church-boy phase. If kissing boys was a sin, call me a sinner.…

Getting a wax—especially in the more delicate regions—can leave LGBTQ people feeling vulnerable, particularly if their body doesn’t meet certain expectations or beauty standards. Joshua Collins, a gay man who co-owns several Texas franchises of LunchboxWax (LunchboxWax.com)—a company hoping to revolutionize the waxing industry through queer inclusion—says the “sad truth is the body waxing industry, outside of LunchboxWax, generally will not service our trans community, or men from the waist down.… People are judged for being [fat], judged for being too skinny, judged for being part of the LGBTQ community, judged for the color of their skin. Enough is enough!” Already queer-welcoming and body-positive, LunchboxWax expanded efforts to become trans-embracing last year by eliminating male/female gender checkboxes and gendered service options like “Manzilians,” and instead asks clients their preferred pronouns.…

Creating a wedding website is a fun and easy way to announce your special day, and it is by far the best way to pool all pertinent info related to your event in one convenient place. It’s also a great vehicle to give guests a “sneak preview” of your wedding’s style and theme as well as give them an opportunity to ask questions or offer feedback on things like dietary restrictions or accessibility accommodations. And it’s surprisingly easy to create your own website. With sites like Wix.com that provide free personalized wedding pages, creating a professional, elegant, and streamlined site for your event is a snap. Wix doesn’t have a special LGBTQ wedding section per se, but since everything is customizable, from images to backgrounds to text, you’re free to…

When it comes to photographers, there are probably more LGBTQ-friendly photographers than any other type of vendor needed. However, while queer and LGBTQ-friendly photographers are abundant in New York City, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, couples in smaller Midwestern or Southern towns may not have as many choices. Try using search terms like “gay wedding” and “same-sex wedding,” even if it doesn’t exactly describe you as a couple (many well-meaning allies aren’t hip to the terminology or identity markers). Review sites and descriptions carefully before proceeding. Many photographers will add “gay” and “lesbian” search tags to their websites to draw in more customers, but they don’t really specialize in LGBTQ weddings. They may very well be experienced wedding photographers, but many queer or trans couples prefer someone who specializes in…

Planning a bilingual wedding can be challenging, but many LGBTQ couples make it a priority. The decision is oftentimes practical, especially if there is no common language among family and friends. In other cases, the decision symbolizes the desire to maintain a couple’s dual cultural identity. Mixing two languages to make a single distinctive wedding ceremony is a wonderful way to blend cultures. But when you do plan a bilingual wedding, one essential first step is making sure that wedding invites are also linguistically accessible. Not only are invites the first impression guests have of your wedding, but they also provide essential information that should not be lost in translation. Using a single language (like defaulting with English) may inadvertently exclude some friends or family members. Consider having a double-sided…

If you stand quietly on the shores of world-famous Waikiki Beach, it’s easy to forget the city of Honolulu is one of the most densely populated in the country—and the most remote in the world for its size. According to the U.S. Census, there are around 1.5 million people living in the state of Hawaii, and approximately 950,000 of them live in the 68-square-mile Honolulu area. Oahu island’s lush, queer history continues to arouse the senses right down to the warm sand between your toes. The city-meets-beach environment attracts Americans from all corners of the mainland. Adventure seekers looking for a change of pace from their metropolitan lives flock to the city to build a new chapter—one that gives them a chance to bask under the sun in peace without…

1 Crowning Mr. Gay America Who will take home the crown when Mr. Gay America 2019 is named July 7? The annual pageant, which also sees a drag contestant named Miss Gay America, draws queer contestants from across the country, especially in the South and Midwest, where pageants are most popular. As reigning Mr. Gay America, 2018’s winner Judas Elliot (above) will oversee the competition. (@MrGayAmerica) 2 Rick and Morty Come Home Binge Rick and Morty Seasons 1–3, the award-winning comedy on Adult Swim from creators Dan Harmon (Community) and Justin Roiland (Adventure Time) featuring the misadventures of misanthropic scientist Rick Sanchez and his good-hearted grandson Morty Smit. Newly released on Blu-ray and DVD, the box set comes with an exclusive poster. (Amazon.com) 3 Disney Channel Comes Out The Disney…