Mathew: Why doesn’t a dead battery cost anything?
Ryan: Tell me.
Mathew: Because it’s free of charge.
—Mathew E., Aromas, California
DAFFYNITION: Pumpkin patch — How to fix a hole in a jack-o’-lantern.
Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Marian: Knock, knock.
Clara: Who’s there?
Marian: Witches.
Clara: Witches, who?
Marian: Witches your favorite song in Frozen?
Marian B., Naples, Florida
SHAWN: What do birds give to trick-or-treaters?
CURREN: What?
SHAWN: Tweets.
Curren M., Virginia Beach, Virginia
ALEXANDER: Why did the baseball player cross the road?
TYLER: Why?
ALEXANDER: He was going home.
Alexander H., Austin, Texas
BRANDON: Why does a Rubik’s Cube enjoy suspenseful films?
CHLOE: Tell me.
BRANDON: Because of all the twists and turns.
Brandon G., Bremerton, Washington
Teacher: Bob, if you had 10 treats and I asked you for…