Indholdsfortegnelse for August 2016 i FourFourTwo UK

 0 AUSTRIA Hungary fans’ slow-clap chant sounds a bit like Come on Eileen for nutcases 2 HUNGARY Szalai (62), Stieber (87) MATCH RATING 1 PORTUGAL Nani (31) 1 ICELAND B. Bjarnason (50) MATCH RATING WHAT'S THE STORY? After four days of largely predictable fare, Group F finally produces some of the trademark big-tournament shocks that make football such a marvellous caper. The first half of Austria-Hungary is sporting landfill, however the Magyars become vaguely magical in the second: Adam Szalai ends a slick passing move to grab his first goal in 41 matches, before Zoltan Stieber – who learned everything he knows at Yeovil Town – caresses home a sensational chip to seal the first real surprise Euro 2016 result, at their neighbours' expense. But Iceland – whose population, we’re…

 1 ITALY Eder (88) Conte avoids bloodying his nose and his wig stays on, so all in all it’s a good day for the Italy coach 0 SWEDEN MATCH RATING 2 CZECH REPUBLIC Skoda (76), Necid (89 pen) 2 CROATIA Perisic (37), Rakitic (59) MATCH RATING 3 SPAIN Morata (34, 48), Nolito (37) 0 TURKEY MATCH RATING WHAT'S THE STORY? Today we learn nothing that we didn’t already know. This Italy team probably is the worst in 50 years after all, but it’s still altogether Italian enough to make the knockout stages with a game to spare. The Azzurri conjure a single moment of quality in the whole game against an equally clueless Sweden – Eder running at a sweating Andreas Granqvist, who lands on his arse and raises a…

2 FRANCE Griezmann (58, 61) 1 REPUBLIC OF IRELAND Brady (2 ) MATCH RATING 3 GERMANY Boateng (8), Gomez (43), Draxler (63) 0 SLOVAKIA MATCH RATING 0 HUNGARY 4 BELGIUM Alderweireld (10), Batshuayi (78), Hazard (80) Carrasco (90+1) MATCH RATING WHAT'S THE STORY? That’s better. After three real rotters to kick-off the last 16, the knockout stages begin in earnest with a stonking Sunday triple. The opening seconds of the first game are as dramatic as it gets, when Paul Pogba’s clumsy challenge on Shane Long allows the Republic of Ireland to stun the hosts from the penalty spot. France look shell-shocked for the rest of the half, before finally making their three days’ extra rest count against an exhausted Green Army after the break. The other two matches are…

3 WALES A. Williams (31), Robson-Kanu (55), Vokes (86) 1 BELGIUM Nainggolan (13) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? The beers are really flying in Cardiff’s fan park now. Wales’ victory over the tournament’s top-ranking team isn’t that surprising – all three BBC pundits plump for them – but their football, like those pints, hits new heights. Ashley Williams cancels out Radja Nainggolan’s rocket (above right), then two stunning goals – from Championship strikers – get lots of people back home very wet. THE GOOD Once sacked by Coventry City, Chris Coleman’s stock is rising rapidly. His changes work brilliantly here, starting Hal Robson-Kanu, then bringing on Sam Vokes. Great selections, great system. THE BAD Marc Wilmots looks considerably less composed as his erratic superstars fizzle, again, while one downside for…

“The ref has made some s**t decisions, and the worst is those socks” 2 PORTUGAL Ronaldo (50), Nani (53) 0 WALES MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? It’s the competition’s surprise-package, sexily-bearded and dragon-hearted heroes against some moribund and misfiring Portuguese misfits who’ve drably drawn their way to the semis. Grinning heart-shaped fox Gareth Bale against grumpy, mic-lobbing CR7. Surely the football Gods can’t conspire against the good guys here? Of course they can: a towering Ronaldo header and a Nani poke conspire to end the Welsh dream. THE GOOD Ronaldo seems jaded – understandable considering that he’s probably been self-abusing furiously all day to news reports about Lionel Messi’s conviction over tax evasion – but his spring for the opener reminds us that this is a truly great athlete, as…

MARCELO BIELSA THE PROMOTER OF MODERN PRESSING Few people have inspired quite as many of the world’s current crop of top managers as Marcelo Bielsa. “He’s the best coach the planet currently has,” Pep Guardiola said in 2012. Despite that tag, Bielsa’s honours list is surprisingly threadbare – a couple of titles with Newell’s Old Boys, another with Velez Sarsfield, a gold medal as coach of Argentina’s Olympic team in 2004, and that’s about it. But it’s the way that Bielsa’s sides play the game that has made him almost messianic. A whole-hearted dedication to attack thanks to an ambitious 3-3-3-1 formation was backed up by an intense pressing strategy that has since been adopted by managers from Diego Simeone and Tata Martino to Jorge Sampaoli and Mauricio Pochettino. Pressing…

“There are two stories behind the team name,” explains Phil Denison. “Firstly, most of the team are poker dealers and in one five-card poker game the final card is a river card. Players hate it and they always say it’s the one they lose their money on the most, so we thought it would make a good name. Ironically, one of the casinos got shut down after the floods last year so, again, the river name seemed a good fit. “Unsurprisingly we do like to gamble and play attacking football. Everyone in the team wants to score and be the hero. We’re very open and our mentality is that we will outscore the opposition. We have quite a big squad because a lot of the players work shifts, so we…

In late January 1974, four days before Real Madrid took on Real Murcia, the phone rang in Gunter Netzer’s apartment in the Spanish capital. When the German midfielder picked up the receiver, he heard the voice of his friend Michael Pfleghar, a film director who had worked with Frank Sinatra in the 1960s and at one point dated Sinatra’s daughter, Tina. Netzer had been sidelined for two weeks with a muscle tear, so Pfleghar asked how his friend was doing. When Netzer told him he wouldn’t be taking up running exercises for another week, Pfleghar said: “Good”. Then he added: “Pack a few essentials, a toothbrush and a dinner suit. I’ll meet you in London tomorrow, then we’ll fly to Los Angeles. We are going to Tina’s wedding in Las…

When Euro 2016 began back on June 10, we had a few questions. Would the French crumble under the pressure of being hosts, having won the previous two major tournaments held on their own patch? Could England go all the way? Would the addition of eight extra teams lead to the likes of Wales, Iceland and Hungary stinking out the tournament? Questions, questions… But there were things we knew for certain, too. Portugal were going to be all Ronaldo and no trousers. Spain were guaranteed semi-finalists. Nobody was going to stop Harry Kane, Thomas Muller and Zlatan Ibrahimovic from rattling in goal after goal in their quest for the Golden Boot. And there wasn’t even the slightest chance that either Northern Ireland or the Republic of Ireland would emerge from…

1 RUSSIA Glushakov (80) 2 SLOVAKIA Weiss (32) Hamsik (45) MATCH RATING 1 ROMANIA Stancu (18 pen) 1 SWITZERLAND Mehmedi (57) MATCH RATING 2 FRANCE Griezmann (90), Payet (90+6) 0 ALBANIA MATCH RATING WHAT'S THE STORY? After a first round that can be filed under ‘cagey’, will the second set of matches see things open up a little? Today’s fixtures suggest not. Slovakia dominate a dreary Russia beneath a closed roof in Lille, despite a brief, stuttering revival, while Romania and Switzerland’s draw is the tournament so far in microcosm: tidy, technically excellent and lightly enjoyable without ever being wildly exciting. Even hosts France are frustrated by a spiky Albania side for 90 Marseille minutes – before Antoine Griezmann and Dimitri Payet break their spirit with another late show. THE…

“Ibrahimovic has tried to pull him off and then come across him” observes a keen-eyed Tony Pulis 3 HUNGARY Gera (19), Dzsudzsak (47, 55) 3 PORTUGAL Nani (42), Ronaldo (50, 62) MATCH RATING 2 ICELAND Bodvarsson (18), Traustason (90+4) 1 AUSTRIA Schopf (60) MATCH RATING 0 ITALY 1 REPUBLIC OF IRELAND Brady (85) MATCH RATING 0 SWEDEN 1 BELGIUM Nainggolan (84) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? A tournament that has been simmering nicely finally bubbles over with drama, especially in Lyon, where Hungary and Portugal share a six-goal end-to-ender. No doubt the pick of the bunch is Zoltan Gera’s opener, the midfielder rolling back the years with a left-footed half-volley, but three times the Magyars surrender the lead. Iceland set up a last-16 clash with England with a late, late…

2 ITALY Chiellini (33) Pelle (90+1) 0 SPAIN MATCH RATING 1 ENGLAND Rooney (4 pen) 2 ICELAND R. Sigurdsson (6) Sigthorsson (18) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? Oh dear. That lucky-looking last 16 draw turns out to be a Viking funeral for Roy Hodgson’s reputation. Defeat to Iceland – tiny country, mighty geysers – is “the worst performance I have ever seen from an England team,” fumes a purple-faced Alan Shearer. “Score early and you’ll thump 'em,” suggests every pundit beforehand, a theory Iceland ignore by equalising seconds after Wayne Rooney’s fourth-minute penalty. When they then go in front before the 20-minute mark, England wilt like roses in a microwave. Hodgson, bereft of any answers, declines to take questions as he quits there and then. Also sent home are the…

0 GERMANY 2 FRANCE Griezmann (45+2 pen, 72) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? A great, throbbing semi. Die Mannschaft look to be extending their decades-long domination of Les Bleus, until a typically imperious display turns to scheisse. France start brightly but are gradually overwhelmed, and the Germans are just a decent goalscorer away from perfection. Oh, for another Miroslav Klose, eh? Instead, the hosts get some closure, riding their luck until a nerveless penalty from Antoine Griezmann (below) reverses the mood, and Germany stall at this stage for the second Euros running. THE GOOD Griezmann – a sort of high-performance Adam Lallana – is again outstanding, and increasingly a contender for player of the tournament. Cristiano Ronaldo probably thinks differently. Props to Didier Deschamps, bravely retaining rookie defender Samuel Umtiti…

“Our team is a mixture of army, navy and RAF personnel,” explains Jamie Lee. “We’re all based in the Ministry of Defence in Whitehall and we play every Tuesday night in Docklands. “The team name is because we have taken inspiration from Jamie Vardy, even though none of us are actually Leicester fans. It’s a play on words with two WWE wrestlers called the Hardy Boys, plus we’ve added M.O.D. to our name now so that people know we’re representing the Ministry of Defence. There may well be a bit of fear when opponents find out they’re playing us. They tend to put that extra bit of effort in, probably because they know we’re all in the armed forces. “The RAF guys are good in the air. They play up…

“Our players all work at Mister Woods coffee shops in North Tyneside,” says Richard Clough. “The business owner and myself had the idea a couple of years ago to put together a football team so that staff could do something socially. It’s great for a bit of banter and becoming a real team. “We’ll close the doors of the shops at 5pm and then get down to the North Shields Soccerdome as quick as we can to have a kickaround. “Sometimes I wish I could have a cup of coffee during the game to keep me alert, but having a milky coffee before the match never works - it just jumbles up inside you. “We’re all Newcastle fans, but we don’t talk too much about that at the moment, after…

Bordeaux is one of France’s most beautiful cities – but would you be able to work that out from looking at the team’s new third kit? Fresh from a disappointing campaign, in which Les Girondins finished 11th in Ligue 1, the club attempted to celebrate the local area by plastering their new shirt with some of the city’s famous monuments, including the Place de la Bourse, the Porte d’Aquitaine and the Esplanade des Quinconces. But sadly it has not had the desired effect, with the heavily-decorated, purple, pink and blue mishmash taking a trashing on social media since its launch. A poll in regional newspaper Sud Ouest revealed that three-quarters of voters had a negative reaction to the rather garish garment. “It’s horrible,” says Nicolas Pietrelli, who runs fansite WebGirondins.com.…

Abkhazia 9 Chagos Islands 0, Somaliland 3 Szekely Land 10, Padania 6 Raetia 0. We knew UEFA were starting to let more teams into the Euros, but this is getting crazy. Well OK, this wasn’t the new expanded group stage of the European Championship, but the ConIFA World Football Cup, a tournament for unrecognised states and minorities that took place just as the Euros were preparing to kick off. The Dutch didn’t qualify for this one, either. Twelve ‘nations’ were invited to take their place in Abkhazia, a separatist region of Georgia. The UN cautions against travel there, but that didn’t prevent a host of teams - from Northern Cyprus and Iraqi Kurdistan to the United Koreans of Japan, Panjab and Sapmi - turning up for a game of football…

When Real Madrid defeated neighbours Atletico Madrid to win the Champions League final in May, few stadiums in Europe could have provided a more fitting backdrop than the San Siro in Milan. That final, though, was the first Champions League match at the venue for more than two years. There will be none in 2016-17 either, as the city’s two giants continue to flounder. Between them, AC Milan (seven) and Inter (three) have been crowned champions of Europe on 10 occasions, but right now an 11th triumph seems some way away. The Rossoneri finished the 2015-16 Serie A season down in seventh place, 34 points short of champions Juventus. They were even further behind in the two previous campaigns, when they could only manage 10th and eighth respectively. Owner Silvio…

Single leg Romanian deadlifts SETS 5-8 REPS 5-8 REST PERIOD 1-2 MINS “Stand on one leg and bend forwards while bracing your core until your head and non-standing leg are in a straight line,” says Edmundson. “That leg must be straight to really work your hamstrings.” Bear crawl SETS 5 REST PERIOD 1-2 MINS “This exercise will challenge your core,” Edmundson says. “Get on all fours, raise your knees off the ground and then stand on your tiptoes, keeping your back straight. Crawl forward for two minutes per set, maintaining this position.” Pistol squats SETS 5-8 REPS 5-8 REST PERIOD 1-2 MINS “Stand on one leg and put your arms and other leg out in front of you,” advises Chris Edmundson, former Blackpool conditioning coach. “Lower yourself until your standing…

Payet's stunner sent even the shruggy French into raptures 2 FRANCE Giroud (57), Payet (89) 1 ROMANIA Stancu (65 pen) MATCH RATING WHAT'S THE STORY? Millions tune in for the last five minutes of Emmerdale and – more importantly – the beginning of Euro 2016. Before kick-off there’s a cliché-heavy opening ceremony, as lads in hooped jumpers and saucy can-can girls frolic round a carousel. “The French are famous for their kisses… naughty but nice,” purrs ITV's Clive Tyldesley unsettlingly. David Guetta plays records and shouts like a wino at traffic, but it’s all mercifully short, and after a lusty rendition of La Marseillaise, we’re underway. The game’s a typically nervy curtain-raiser: Olivier Giroud eases the tension with a headed opener and Bogdan Stancu equalises from the spot, before Dimitri…

 1 SPAIN Pique (87) Belgium are so feeble against unfancied Italy that Group E is still full of possibility for Ireland 0 CZECH REPUBLIC MATCH RATING 1 REPUBLIC OF IRELAND Hoolahan (48) 1 SWEDEN Clark (71 og) MATCH RATING 0 BELGIUM 2 ITALY Giaccherini (32), Pelle (90+3) MATCH RATING WHAT'S THE STORY? Questions abound as this epic-looking day kicks off: Will Spain recover from their Diego Costa-cursed World Cup? Can Ireland’s creaking warriors stop the ageless superman Zlatan? And are Belgium about to fulfill that ‘next big thing’ tag? Well, yes, nearly, and no. Spain’s avuncular walrus, Vicente del Bosque, adds new faces but still lacks a fox en el box, relying on emergency centre-forward Gerard Pique for a late winner (top). Ireland dominate Sweden, and score a humdinger through…

Joe Hart attempts to rally the troops with a Churchillian battle cry - if Churchill had Tourette’s 2 ENGLAND Vardy (56), Sturridge (90+2) 1 WALES Bale (42) MATCH RATING 0 UKRAINE 2 NORTHERN IRELAND McAuley (49), McGinn (90+6) MATCH RATING 0 GERMANY 0 POLAND MATCH RATING WHAT'S THE STORY? Finally, after all the talk, the front- and back-page rabble-rousing, the tabloid tub-thumping and the cod-psychology, a game of football breaks out. In Group C, Northern Ireland beat Ukrai… eh? Oh yeah, right, the other one. The England vs Gareth Bale showdown arrives, and we get an answer to that classic pub debate of who would come out on top if three lions fought a dragon. The reality is a soporific affair, high on huff and puff and honest endeavour but…

0 ROMANIA 1 ALBANIA Sadiku (43) MATCH RATING 0 SWITZERLAND 0 FRANCE MATCH RATING 0 SLOVAKIA 0 ENGLAND MATCH RATING 0 RUSSIA 3 WALES Ramsey (11), Taylor (20), Bale (67) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? Calculators at the ready, because things are about to get complicated. In Lyon, Albania finally register the win that their energetic displays deserve courtesy of Armando Sadiku’s first-half header. It might not be enough to get them out of Group A, though, with France and Switzerland through in first and second respectively after a predictably tame stalemate in Lille, despite the best efforts of Paul Pogba (above) and Dimitri Payet, who both rattle the woodwork. In Group B, another 0-0 draw, this time in Saint Etienne, brings into focus the problem with the tournament’s expanded…

1 SWITZERLAND Shaqiri (82) 1 POLAND Blaszczykowski (39) (POLAND WIN 5-4 ON PENALTIES) MATCH RATING 1 WALES McAuley (75 og) 0 NORTHERN IRELAND MATCH RATING 0 CROATIA 1 PORTUGAL (AET) Quaresma (117) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? After two rest days full of EU aggro back home, the Euro business over in France proves fun-free too, as the knockout stages begin with three semi-stinkers. The much-trumpeted Home Nations clash is a tale of two Gareths, greying warrior McAuley scoring a harsh own goal from Bale’s wicked cross (bottom right). Switzerland start poorly against Poland, conjure a magical fightback, then lose anyway via a penalty howler that’s almost worth dozing through extra time for. Almost. The best tie on paper, Croatia vs Portugal, is one “for the aficionados” admits Clive Tyldesley…

1 POLAND Lewandowski (2) 1 PORTUGAL Renato Sanches (33) (PORTUGAL WIN 5-3 ON PENALTIES) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? Poland’s miserly defence up against Portugal’s malfunctioning forward line always looked like ‘one for the purists’ – i.e. about as mouth-watering as Ebola couscous – and so it proves at the Stade Velodrome: an immovable rock against a not-particularly unstoppable force, resulting in stalemate and spot-kicks. THE GOOD Robert Lewandowski’s opener – the second-fastest goal in Euros history – prompts a passable first half. There’s some fine defending to admire, and Portugal’s penalties are ruthless. THE BAD Cristiano Ronaldo (top right) rages at his team-mates over misplaced passes, while simultaneously performing a string of air shots. The thought of such an average side potentially drawing their way to the final is…

5 FRANCE Giroud (12, 59), Pogba (20) Payet (43), Griezmann (45) 2 ICELAND Sigthorsson (56), B. Bjarnason (84) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? France show exactly what a competent team not wearing clown shoes can do against the plucky-but-limited Vikings – a four-goal first-half assault has them home and hosed. They hound Iceland into submission, to set up a semi-final clash with Germany. Yet the Blue Army (above right) never raise the white flag. THE GOOD Paul Pogba (right, centre) provides a lung-busting masterclass as both water-carrier and creator-in-chief. THE BAD The game, as a contest. It’s a mis-match that only serves to again highlight the ineptitude of England’s performance. THE UGLY Outside the Stade de France, Parisian police deal with a poorly parked car by blowing it up. A…

 1 PORTUGAL Eder 109 Sissoko realises this is his last chance to avoid playing in the Championship 0 FRANCE (AET) MATCH RATING WHAT’S THE STORY? Flair-mongers France try to make good on their status as the pre-tournament favourites, pitted against preen-tastic purist-perturbers Portugal. It’s the host nation who are in destruction mode early in the final, though, as unlikely hard man Dimitri Payet sends a virtual wrecking ball through the knee of Cristiano Ronaldo, leaving Portugal’s biggest (and, in fact, only) star writhing in agony. Ronaldo vs France in a major final rarely goes well – just ask the Brazilian version about 1998, played at the same stadium – and after a fair bit of teary-eyed hobbling, the Real Madrid star concedes he has to depart. Without him, Portugal unsurprisingly…

At 9.30am on Friday May 27, 2016, an unemployed man found himself a new job. Five minutes later he joined Instagram and posted a picture of his contract. “Manchester United Football Club Limited”, read the top of the document, “and Jose Mario Dos Santos Mourinho Felix. Service Agreement.” Inside half an hour, the image had 11,600 likes on the image-sharing website and Mourinho had more than 45,000 followers. In his first interview about the job he has long coveted, the Special One beamed like a wolf handed the keys to the henhouse. “I think it comes in the right moment of my career, because Manchester United is one of those clubs you really need to be prepared for,” he smiled. “It’s a giant club and giant clubs must be for…

“There’s a lot of pressure at work, so it’s crucial to unwind,” says Ed Rice. “When we play football there’s no pressure, it’s just pure enjoyment. “Our team is made up of players who work in the neurosurgery department at Leeds General Infirmary. Some people can only make it every two or three weeks because of the hours we work, so we have a squad of about 15 players. “We have doctors, physios and nurses – and about six or seven of our squad are people who can operate. People sometimes do 24-hour solid on-call shifts, with operations throughout, so occasionally colleagues will come down and play football while they’re waiting for an operation to start. The pitches are only 10 minutes from the hospital, so if you know that…

No sooner had England crashed out of the 2010 World Cup than the obituaries were being written. “The tournament has proved conclusively that 4-4-2 is dead,” said pundit Robbie Savage. “You can expect to see lots of 4-2-3-1 in the Premier League and Championship this season.” And indeed he was right. This magazine’s namesake had become increasingly rare in English football, if not extinct. And when national team manager Roy Hodgson did flirt, briefly, with the formation in a friendly against the Republic of Ireland in May 2013, Gary Lineker used Twitter to bemoan “a step back to the dark ages of two lines of four”. The irony that both of those critics were former Leicester City stars won’t be lost on anyone. Playing what, on paper, was the most…

Museum   Feyenoord and Sparta Rotterdam Weirdness rating Will the real dead seagull please stand up? Oh, they both are already, mainly because they’ve been stuffed and then glued to their respective plinths. Eddy Treijtel would like to be remembered for the 11 years he served Feyenoord, winning the UEFA Cup in 1974. Instead, he is recalled for a piece of accidental avian assassination. The Dutch international was playing against Sparta in 1970 when his goal-kick struck the flier like a guided missile, bringing it crashing down to earth. And he got a surprise when a taxidermist turned up at his front door a few months later with the gull now very much stuffed. Not wanting a reminder of his inadvertent bird butchery, he handed it over to Feyenoord, who…

Budding football fan Paula may only be four years old, but that hasn’t stopped her from leading the way with a megaphone at Alcorcon. When the Spanish Segunda Division outfit invited their fans to watch the team’s final training session before a key clash against rivals Leganes, the ultra group’s motivator-in-chief was a little bit younger than anyone expected. Armed with a megaphone, Paula belted out chants for the initially confused Alkor Hooligans to join in with. “We didn’t know who she was,” explained the journalist Aimara Garteizgoxeascoa Gil of the Alcorcon Sport website. “The hooligans had stayed behind to cheer the team on, and this girl just appeared with a megaphone. Everybody started going mental.” Such was her popularity that a #FansDePaula hashtag soon took hold on Twitter, and…

WE WAS ROBBED The emotions felt by fans during games have been likened to those of someone being robbed – with similar stress-hormone release and heart palpitations – triggering sleep disturbance, indigestion and an increase in levels of the potentially dangerous cortisol in the blood. NO PAIN, MUCH GAIN A study of players feigning injury in 183 elite-level games learned that teams with the most to gain from stopping a match ‘suffered’ more minor injuries in the final 15 minutes than teams chasing the game. DOG DAYS ARE YOGA Yoga moves such as the downward dog could help stop football players from picking up crippling knee injuries. UK specialist surgeon Simon Moyes has called for more footballers to get involved with yoga in a bid to maintain flexibility and prevent…