In Touch Weekly 1/16/2017

Those $190 Timberlands add a pop of color to a gray day, and Gwen ups the ante with a gold puffer jacket. Kris’ all-black coat-leggings combo is too same-old to shine. Chiara’s busy hat competes with her embroidered Gucci coat. Enter RiRi: With a simple white maxi and sandals that complement the hot shot of shearling, she slays. Pia flaunts her killer curves by accessorizing her House of CB set with nothing more than sleek hair and a sultry stare. Laura’s tasseled jacket and choker? #Overkill.…

If you thought the Kardashian sisters could no longer shock you with the size of their rumps, you were wrong. On Dec. 27, Kylie Jenner, 19, took to Instagram to show off her jeans — but all anyone noticed was her impossible proportions. Photoshop could be at play, but there’s no doubt Kylie’s derriere has been, um, growing for quite some time. Could it be that her lower half is now about as real as her lips?! Now, Kylie’s denying getting “a-- implants,” crediting (impressively concentrated) weight gain for her look. But we all know she wouldn’t be the first star Kardashian to enhance her body parts, so in the interest of amusing ourselves showing Kylie how she’ll look if she keeps going, we’ve created a helpful posterior projection chart…

What’s a girl to do when everything starts feeling a little…toxic? If that girl is Britney Spears, she takes a vacation — from speaking! “Britney discovered that silent meditation can help increase brain cells and replenish mental resources,” a source tells In Touch. “So now she’s planning a five-day silent retreat — she’s hoping to think like a genius by the end of it!” (Never give up your dreams, Brit!) “She’s convinced she’ll be able to get through the whole thing without saying a word, but no one thinks she’ll be able to last 24 hours, let alone five days,” adds the source. We have more faith in Britney — she’s already managed to refrain from singing live for almost 20 years.…

Matthew McConaughey’s Rust Cohle was absent from season two of True Detective , but that doesn’t have to be the case for season three. “If [it] was written well and it came up again I wouldn’t hesitate for a second,” the actor, 47, says of rejoining the cast. Most fans are beyond “all right, all right, all right” with the idea, with one tweeting “Matthew shouldn’t have left in the first place.” Anyone who saw the second season agrees with that!…

Moe, Larry and Curly? If you ask Farrah Abraham, it’s more like Maci, Amber and Catelynn! “The stooges, that’s what I call them,” the Teen Mom OG star, 25, told In Touch of her co-stars (who have been very vocal about their disdain for Farrah) at the grand opening of the restaurant Jimmy’s NYC on Dec. 22. “Amber [Portwood] is a lazy a--. I wouldn’t have her on TV. Maci [Bookout] is boring. And Catelynn [Lowell], she does drugs,” Farrah claims. And wait, the slamming didn’t stop there. “They are so obsessed with being like me. It’s like, go live your own lives, stop hating.” Um, wise words, Farrah (hint, hint).…

VICTORIA BECKHAM Since David Beckham, 41, presented her with a marquise-cut diamond worth about $67,000 in 1998 (ah, simpler times!), Posh, 42, has reportedly upgraded a whopping 13 times. She debuted her current $105,000 emerald-cut diamond in 2014. Greedy Spice! KIM KARDASHIAN Kanye West, 39, proposed with a $3 million, 15-carat sparkler in 2013. Nearly three years later, he swapped it with a 20-carat emerald-cut bauble, which Kim, 36, proudly flaunted on social media. (Bad idea: Thieves in Paris bound, gagged and robbed her of the $4.5 million ring and other treasures.) BETHENNY FRANKEL The 6.5-carat pear-shaped diamond the RHONY star, 46, received from Jason Hoppy, 46, in 2009 wasn’t quite special enough — it got a face-lift two years after their engagement. A year after…