Indholdsfortegnelse for October 2013 i Maxim

Sweet 15 Wow, Alyssa Milano is 40 years old and hotter than ever! Thank you, Maxim, for making my longtime television crush a cover girl. Fifteen years between covers is definitely way too long! —Paul, Erie, PA We agree on all points, Paul. Alyssa is hotter than ever, and 15 years is way too long between covers. Being without Alyssa was like a prison sentence! (Actually, it wasn’t like a prison sentence so much as it was a prison sentence. We swear, steal Tony Danza’s identity once and they throw away the key.) Pain in the Mascot I’m curious about the half-angel, half-devil Maxim mascot. Does he have a name? Or any kind of backstory? You should set up a Facebook account for him. —Anna Dole, via e-mail Great question,…

SEXY CORN ON THE COB Who wears it: Farmers’ daughters; University of Nebraska coeds. Who wears it: Farmers’ daughters; University of Nebraska coeds. Ideal complementary costume: A pat of butter. Pickup line: “Hey, how would you like to go back to my place and shuck?” Potential costume hazard: Calling her outfit “husky” is accurate—but could get you in trouble. SEXY CHEWBACCA Who wears it: Attractive Star Wars geeks with a lot of body confidence. So, like, three people in the known universe. What it means: She wants you to think of her as more than just a walking carpet. Ideal complementary costume: Han Solo. Pickup line: “My place or wruwuwuwuwuarrrrhhh?” Potential costume hazard: Fleas. SEXY GEORGE WASHINGTON Who wears it: American-history buffs. What it means: The only thing she values…

We always considered Count Chocula the most sensual vampire of them all, but then we saw a photo of Nina Dobrev in a bikini, and that changed a lot for us. True, Nina isn’t a real bloodsucker, but since she plays two of them on The Vampire Diaries (as Elena Gilbert and her evil doppelgänger, Katherine Pierce), we think that more than qualifies her to drink from the “World’s Hottest Vampire” coffee cup. The 24-year-old actress will be wearing her fangs once again when Season 5 premieres on the CW on October 10. As for the bikini? Maybe she can lend it to Count Chocula.…

Is it possible to fart, cough, and sneeze all at once? —Frank Ranallo Sadly, it’s yet another threesome you’ll never see materialize. Coughing and sneezing use the same muscles and reflexes, so they can’t happen simultaneously, according to Marc I. Leavey, M.D., at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore. But happily for our inquisitive readers, he adds, “These same muscles increase intra-abdominal pressure, which could encourage the expulsion of gas.” Two out of three ain’t bad! (Except for whoever is sitting next to you.) Why do I forget my dreams as soon as I wake up? Two reasons. One: Since dreams are a function of our unconscious, we can’t directly access them while we’re awake. “If you recall certain fragments, your unconscious is trying to tell you something,” psychoanalyst Carole Lieberman,…

INGREDIENTS • 1 lb. bacon • 4 eggs • 1 cup shredded cheese • Hash browns, to taste • 4 diced breakfast sausages • ¼ cup diced bell peppers 1 Take a pound of bacon and weave it into a square. Start by layering the strips vertically. Then interlace them with horizontal strips—like the top of one of your grandma’s pies. 2 Preheat your oven to 375°F, put your bacon weave on a baking sheet, and throw it in for 10 minutes. 3 While your bacon is cooking, scramble your eggs and top them with cheese, hash browns, sausage chunks, diced bell peppers, and anything else you want. Everything goes with bacon! 4 Pull your weave out of the oven, dab with paper towels, and pile on your toppings. Fold…

Geek goddess CANDACE BAILEY teaches you how to get wriggly. 1 DOWN AND ARCH “Get on your knees with your legs spread shoulder width apart. Lean back to give yourself some momentum so that when you roll, you can achieve some height.” 2 ROLL OUT “Roll forward onto your hands in a push-up position, with your legs straight behind you. It’s like rowing with your arms—if you do it right, there’s practically no way to hurt your elbows.” 3 GET UP “Use the momentum to kick up your feet and push up your arms at the same time, getting air between you and the floor. The arms move you forward; the legs give you height.” REPEAT “Do it again, as many times as you can till you get tired…or bang…

You are a ghost of the woods. You are a silent killer who stalks his prey like a greased-up ninja robot. You slowly pull back the arrow, ready to pierce the life out of the hapless whitetail who had the grave misfortune of crossing your path when…Damn it, the bastard ran away! Yeah, it sometimes takes little more than the ever-so-slight sound of a vibrating bow to tip a deer off to his impending doom—which is why silence is as much a weapon as, well, your weapon. Thankfully, this compound bow is about as quiet as they come. The Hoyt Spyder 30’s ridiculously compact and lightweight (under four pounds!) design features a vibration-vanquishing brake that catches the just-released limbs, muffling their movements and letting you send off smoother shots without…

Think it’s possible for us to tell you about a leaf blower without making a single X-rated reference? We doubt it, but let’s try: The Black & Decker LH4500 12 Amp Two-Speed Electric LeafHog Blower is a three-in-one blower, vacuum, and mulcher that’ll help keep your yard neat and tidy. It’s got a 240 mph blowing speed, a zippered leaf bag, and a two-speed switch for enhanced control… which is important when you’re attempting to carry out a thorough blow job. Damn it! $75, amazon.com…

What’s your favorite part about hosting a show as crazy as Wipeout? I’m a people person, and we have folks from all walks of life competing. They just amuse me. We should have a separate behind-the-scenes show, because that would be really interesting. “Interesting” as in creepy? Ha, yeah! I mean, I have guys covered in mud picking me up—which I don’t mind, but my wardrobe lady hates it. I’ve gotten some marriage proposals, too, but have yet to see an actual ring. We’re sure that special contestant will come along one day. I’ve dated such a rainbow of peo-ple that it’s possible. Mostly I love when guys are charming. I was reminded of that during a goodwill trip to Afghanistan—how attractive it is when guys have manners. Tell us…

McDowell’s is about to be demolished, and Arsenio Hall doesn’t care. Yes, the Wendy’s at 85-07 Queens Boulevard—which stood in for the fictional fast-food joint where Eddie Murphy as an African prince and Arsenio as his loyal sidekick worked in the blockbuster 1988 comedy Coming to America—is making way for a $105 million luxury apartment complex. And even though comedian Louie Anderson, who played a fellow McDowell’s employee, implored the once and future late-night host to help save the cinematic landmark, Arsenio simply wasn’t interested. “I don’t got time to save McDowell’s,” he says. “I gotta save my own ass!” IT’S TWO AND A HALF MONTHS before the premiere of Arse-nio’s new talk show, and it’s obvious the comedian turned actor turned late-night icon turned reality star is attempting, with…

Your new movie, Rush, is the story of the real-life rivalry between two Formula 1 drivers in the ’70s. Why do a true story? The first movie I did that was inspired by true events was Apollo 13. We had a preview screening, and the audience comment cards were great. I was very excited. But suddenly I came to one that marked it “poor.” In big giant letters the guy wrote, “More Hollywood bullshit. They would never survive!” I realized then that’s the beauty of a true story. Besides incredible race sequences, this movie also features some very hot women, like Olivia Wilde and Alexandra Maria Lara. My partner, Brian Grazer, is always teasing me that I’m very characterdriven, reality-based, and into celebrations of human cooperation…but not so sexy. When…

Regardless of what our hot new clairvoyant says, things seem to be looking up! What was the energy like at the Maxim office? Great! But I’ve never seen more naughtiness and hidden agendas in people’s eyes. Evil agendas? Oh, no. I mean guys were pretending to look into the crystal ball but were really staring at…other things. Your bracelets, obviously. So what do you see in the editors’ future? They’ll have to make sac-rifices to stay with their queens—their girlfriends. You mean they’re fat and need to lay off the wings? Well, maybe a little. Can you see your future? No. All I know is, after work I’m watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians. What’s coming up for the Kardashians? I’m one of those people who love to hate them,…

Hometown: Burshtyn, Ukraine Job: Singer Astrological sign: Pisces Pet: A Labrador named Mozart Three things I can’t live without: 1. Sweets 2. Microphone 3. Family I can whoop any guy’s ass in go-karting. I’d be embarrassed if you looked in my car and saw my big stuffed Smurf doll. My go-to drink is a green tea latte. The worst word in the universe is “‘don’t". The best (or worst) pickup line I’ve ever heard is "I can make you famous." The most embarrassing song on my iPod is "The Name Game," by Shirley Ellis. I would rather date a rabid chim-panzee than a man who doesn´t eat bananas. A guy is more likely to get lucky with me if he listens to me.…

(Car)Jacking Off GTA, 1997 Ah, yes, that just-stolen new-car smell. That’s what made the original GTA great, and it’s still one of our favorite pastimes. You may be able to bike, golf, swim, and sky-dive in GTAV, but the game is still called Grand Theft Auto for a reason. Killer Cameos GTA2, 1999 You can’t have a GTA without some cameos and puns. GTA2’s Disgraceland covered both and gave us a reason to run down Elvis. In GTAV, Elvis may have left the building, but we’re more than happy to get a Kate Upton doppelgänger instead. Getting Busy in the Backseat GTAIII, 2001 GTAIII’s shift to a 3D open-world sandbox meant a new emphasis on exploration. The fan-favorite area to explore? The red-light district. What was a novelty back then…

SCHALLER & WEBER SAUSAGES The best wursts this side of Düsseldorf. $8/pack, schallerweber.com DAVID HASSELHOFF’S NIGHT ROCKER ALBUM Because Germans love the Hoff’s music as much as the Hoff loves drunkenly eating cheeseburgers on the floor. $16, amazon.com LEDER HOSEN An authentic pair of suede shorts to display your Oktoberfest spirit and pale thighs. $200, oktoberfesthaus.com DAS BEER BOOT Holds three liters of beer to share with your friends. Cold sores for everyone! $60, beerfestboots.com…

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire telling stories of their bravado. Tom, the hand from Wyoming, says, “I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. The other day a bull got loose in the corral. It gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.” Ben, from Idaho, can’t stand to be bested. “That’s nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday, and a 15-foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, sucked the poison down in one gulp, and didn’t even get a bellyache.” Old Snake River Frank, the cowboy from Texas,…

Supplies: • 1 champagne party-popper with pull-string trigger • 1 plastic ballpoint pen • Safety glasses • Glue • Scissors • Pushpin • Earplugs 1 Remove all streamers from the popper. Put on your goggles and remove the tape around the neck where the trigger string hangs out. Cut out a side section of the popper from the front. Slowly slide out the explosive charge. Don’t yank it! 2 Disassemble a pen, but don’t remove the rear-end cap. Slide the party-popper trigger through the tip from the back, replacing the ink cartridge. Glue it in place if the tip doesn’t screw back on. 3 Run the string through the end of the pen cap, making a hole with a pushpin if it doesn’t have one. Cap the pen, cut of…

New Orleans barman STEVE YAMADA on how to cap your own pocket-size cocktails. WHAT YOU’LL NEED FOR A “SHOT AND A BEER” • The Fizz Giz: A carbonator to charge liquids with CO2 ($29, fizzgiz.com) • 2 oz. Rittenhouse rye whiskey • 1 oz. beer syrup (2 bo.les IPA reduced in half on the stove, then cooled and stirred with 1 cup sugar) • ¼ oz. Cointreau • 2 dashes Angostura biters • ¼ cup water • Pinch of citric acid 1 Funnel all ingredients into a large, clean plastic bottle. 2 Charge it with the Fizz Giz and shake, then chill for at least six hours. 3 Open the bottle slowly and funnel into a clean mini beer bottle. Cap it, share with a lady, and then have a…

HIT A PRO SHOP “It doesn’t have to be an archery-only shop, but if it’s a place like Dick’s Sporting Goods, make sure there’s an archery-dedicated person—otherwise they’re not going to get you everything you need.” HIT THE RANGE “The majority of pro shops have an indoor range, and any of the trained staff can teach you how to shoot. They’ll make sure you know how to use the bow before you walk out the door.” HIT SOME DEER “There are Department of Fish and Wildlife Web sites that let you know all the land where it’s legal to hunt. The great thing about the sport is that anyone—tall, short, big, small, boy, girl—can do it.”…

There are only a handful of performers who are recognizable from one name alone. And since doing a sexy photo shoot of Sting didn’t seem like a great idea, we’d like to reintroduce you to someone known simply as Christina. Yes, for the third time in Maxim’s history, the stunningly gorgeous songstress with the best pipes in the business is gracing our cover. And if we say so ourselves, she looks sexier than ever. The 32-year-old is at the top of her career, starring as a judge/coach on the new season of The Voice; producing her latest perfume, Unforgettable; and even spending time in Rwanda as a UN ambassador for the World Food Program. All that and she even found the time to give us a surefire way to get…

Maxim’s (COMPLETELY POINTLESS, TOTALLY NONSCIEN TIFIC, AND UTTERLY INANE) To get to the bottom of some of the hardest-hitting questions in sports (like, say, what NFL-er do you think takes the stinkiest dumps?), we employed our own expertise, a battery of experts, and the ultimate sports know-it-all—you, the reader. Finally, every meaningful barroom debate will be answered once and for all. Where’s our trophy? THE NEED FOR SPEED Can a big-league ace’s heater compare to O. J. Simpson in a runaway car? We compiled the speediest records in sports history to help find out. Maurice Allen (2012) Fastest golf shot Samuel Groth (2012) Fastest tennis serve Ronny Heberson (2006) Fastest soccer shot Zdeno Chara (2012) Fastest NHL slap shot Aroldis Chapman (2010) Fastest pitch in MLB history Brett Favre Fastest…

Flicking the Coffee Bean Florida Sex In November 2012, a Florida woman, apparently high on crack cocaine, was craving overpriced coffee and a really awkward orgasm, so she walked into a Starbucks and started masturbating. Cops say they witnessed Jennifer Piranian, 29, putting her “hands into her pants” while “wigging out.” But horny ol’ Jen had an explanation: She was just hanging out at Starbucks, waiting to go to the hospital because she had some kind of spider bite (apparently on her clitoris). They arrested her after searching her bag and finding a crack pipe with cocaine residue. Odd, since most people who get off in Starbucks are just buzzed on caramel macchiatos. Just the Tip Crazy Talk Delusions Florida Nudity When police were called to an apartment complex near…

He was the same dirty rat he’d always been. He got what he had coming. Sorry to burst everyone’s bubble, but you’ll never find him.” Sitting with her laptop at a Starbucks in Anchorage, Alaska, Peggy Giles reads the ominous message on her Facebook page. “Whoever wrote it was probably drunk,” she says. Giles, a heavyset, middle-aged mom in glasses, wears a loud blue T-shirt and has long, frizzy hair. “You know what they say,” she laughs. “Friends don’t let friends Facebook drunk!” But the guy online isn’t just spouting off. He’s angry at Giles for investigating the disappearance of Shanon Lovell, a young man from nearby Wasilla who has been missing for nine months. With a few taps on her keyboard, Giles passes along this guy’s threatening message to…

The beauty of a one-night stand is right there in the name: one and done. But even though there isn’t a ton of time between the meet and the sheets, there are a million ways to screw up. To keep you from sacking your chances, we talked to women who have had their share of singleserve sex partners and present the banging man’s code of conduct for wild, one-night-only sex. SINGLE HORNY FEMALE “I think one-night stands are kind of gluttonous,” says Sophie,* 25. “It’s like sitting down and eating a whole cake.” Want to find that cake inhaler when you’re navigating the scene? Look for signs in the way she acts around you. “When I see a guy I want to sleep with, I touch his arm, say, ‘Excuse…

The number of known black holes in the universe. Apparently, the ones we fall into after a night out don’t ft the description. 78,000 The number of known black holes in the universe. Apparently, the ones we fall into after a night out don’t ft the description. The number of applications received, in just two weeks, from people hoping to become the first settlers on Mars. Dutch organization Mars One will select seven to 10 candidates and shutle them of on a one-way trip to the Red Planet in 2023. No backsies! 2028 The year a mile-wide asteroid known as 1997 XF11 is expected to barely miss colliding with the Earth’s surface in what many experts anticipate will be the most exciting game of chicken in the history of the…

How do you want to go? Not sure, but I’d like to go quick. And laughing out loud. You always play the quintessential tough guy. Who do you think is the toughest dude in heaven and why? God. He runs the place! What about in hell? If I get there, I’m going to be the toughest guy. You’ve been working almost constantly since you started acting in ’85. Do you hope they make movies in the afterlife so you can keep it up? I hope so; otherwise it’s going to be pretty boring. I don’t float on clouds, and I hate harp music. What has dying onscreen taught you about dying in real life? Nothing, because I always come back. While you were alive, what did you spend the most…

Bayerischer Bahnhof Berliner Weisse This wheat beer is sour-mashed to give it its trademark tartness. Prepare to pucker! Tester’s take: “As sour as German poop porn. Nein, danke!” Schneider Weisse With a hint of banana and nutmeg, this ale is perfect for a sausage party. The wurst kind. Tester’s take: “Not as pun-gent as some weisses. Nice bit of sweet to go with the meat.” Warsteiner Premium Verum This classic German pilsner is brewed with slightly tart hops and natural spring water. Tester’s take: “Subtle, really pleasing, and so damn easy to drink it scares me a little.” Aecht Schlenkerla Märzen This smoked rauchbier is brewed with smoke malt to give it a salty, charred flavor. Tester’s take: “Is that bacon?! I’d like to pair this with a side of…

FIND THEIR HANGOUTS “The Southwest has been a hot spot for sightings since the 1940s. A ton of UFOs are reported in Texas, which makes sense, since it’s big and remote, and I think people get a bit lonely out there. Generally, though, folks tend to see UFOs when they’re out fishing or hiking and relatively isolated.” KEEP ROLLING “If you’re in an area where you suspect UFO activity, set up a time-lapse camera. Russell Crowe was actually using one to film fruit bats at his place in Australia and noticed that a strange object kept appearing in the sky, so he posted it on Twiter to see if there could be an explanation.” WATCH THEIR MOVES “People rarely report seeing vivid colors. It’s usually a bright white light or…

ROD GREEN wheels you out in The Dangerous Book for Men. You don’t have to be in the Special Forces to get ambushed. Maybe you just took a wrong turn in Tijuana and now you’re a walking ransom payday. So if you encounter an unexpected roadblock or if several vehicles simultaneously close in on you—surprise! You’re the target. Here’s your strategy for survival. Make a quick assessment. If you think you’re the subject of a kidnap for ransom, sur-rendering may be the least painful option. If bullets are flying, prepare for impact. Duck down and grip the wheel with your thumbs to keep as much out of harm’s way as possible. Put your lights on full beam to blind the bad guys. If you have the space and time to…

1 PRACTICE BULL SITTING “Training is dangerous, since you can get hurt and miss the competition. If you’re a beginner, just visualize yourself on the animal and go through the movements in front of a mirror. It looks funny, but get used to it!” 2 DON’T GET SO PUMPED UP “I’ll go to the gym once or twice a week for cardio and core work. I’ll do planks and a lot of moves with a medicine ball. Remember, you don’t want a lot of weight up top, so any upper-body exercises should be done in moderation.” 3 WORK YOUR GROIN “Bull riding engages your groin muscles, and one of the best ways to strengthen them is by riding a horse without a saddle, which also teaches you how to move…

Bushnell Fusion 1 Mile ARC (8x 32 mm Model) To supercharge the sense of sight, most species have to spend millions of years in the brutal bog of evolution. Humans? We just pick up a pair of binoculars. These 8x zoomers don’t just let you cheat Darwin—they also double as a one-mile laser rangefinder for spotting the precise distance to your dinner. $1,000, bushnell.com Oakley King’s Camo Flak Jacket XLJ Sunglasses Pitch-perfect optics for homing in on your prey? Check. A light 1 oz. build that won’t cramp your nose after a day in the woods? Check. A sweet camo design that makes fellow hunters think your face is a talking bush? Check, check. $155, oakley.com Buck Knives Zipper The little things really do make all the difference: flowers for…

On AMC’s postapocalyptic romp The Waking Dead, Lauren Cohen plays Maggie Greene, a fetching farmer’s daughter with a penchant for spilling zombie brains when it’s called for (and it’s pretty much always called for). In the flesh Lauren trades her Southern twang sacrifice any of the ass-kicking intensity and fiery good looks that made us fall for her at first glance. Or first implement, really. And that’s why it’s and we feel fine. What’s your favorite walker slaying? Yeah, probably the machete under the guy’s chin on the riot-gear walker, at the beginning of Season 2—I like that one. I get to deal with hordes of walkers this season. It’s been all about speed and accuracy, and that’s really been my favorite. You just use any implement you can find,…

We asked, and more than 6,000 of you lovely people answered. The Gospel of Sports according to you! Which athlete could you most easily see occupying the White House? Jesse Ventura 7% Tom Brady 7% Peyton Manning 6% The Rock 5% Tim Tebow 4% O. J. Simpson 3% Michael Jordan 3% Shane Battier 2% I’d move to Canada. 63% TOP COMMENT: “A-Rod. He seems dishonest enough to be a politician.” Which athlete would you be most terrified to get into a car with? O. J. Simpson 27% Dany Heatley 16% Danica Patrick 14% Mike Tyson 14% Ray Lewis 1O% Fuck it: all of the above 19% TOP COMMENT: “Tony Romo! I am sure he would turn it over.” Which guy would you least like your sister to date? Aaron Hernandez…

If the SAG Awards don’t make you wanna barf, maybe this will. Feast your eyes on the 30 scariest, freakiest, most effed-up flicks ever made, then run to your Netflix account and press play. (Spoiler alert: Get ready for zombies, rolling heads, and deeply unsettling uses of household items.) 1 SCARIEST BUMP IN THE NIGHT High Tension (2003) After watching Alexandre Aja’s horror debut, you’ll be hoping that 2 A.M. thud wasn’t the sound of your dad’s head hitting the floor. Aja’s gruesome decapitation scene may just be the most startling separation orchestrated by a Frenchman since Tony Parker’s split with Eva Longoria. 2 SCARIEST TAKE ON THE HOUSING MARKET Dream Home (2010) In this gleefully gory Hong Kong slasher that satirizes the property bubble, a woman obsessed with owning…

How did you enjoy the shoot today? I’m very happy with the outcome, all thanks to the Maxim crew. It was like hanging out among friends, and the final photos are incredible. We agree. You’re dating soccer star Javi García. How did he win you over? By just being himself! He makes me laugh and feel special. We’ve been together for over three years, and each day still feels like the first one. Enough about him. What else are you up to besides modeling? I’m finishing my studies in herbal sciences, where I’m learning the benefits of herbs and teas for different diets. Please report to our beer guts with your findings!…

When it comes to objects of nerdy obsession, only one person leaves Bilbo Baggins in the dust. It’s The Big Bang Theory babe Kaley Cuoco, who has geeks and non-nerds alike drooling every Thursday as hot-as-hell Penny. When she appeared on our cover in 2010, the show’s ratings were blasting off like an Ewok being shot out of a laser cannon. And three years later TBBT is still sucking in viewers like a black hole on steroids. Somehow we think Kaley’s penchant for tight-fitting tank tops has something to do with that.…