ON SUSAN’S birthday five years ago, Kai, her 10-year-old, slid a note under her bedroom door that she still can recite from memory: “Hey Mom, I wanted to ask, when you talk about me in the future, if you could use he/him or they/them pronouns because she/her pronouns make me really uncomfortable.” Then, “Happy Birthday.”
Susan remembers exhaling. She had been deeply worried about Kai, who had been severely depressed and struggling with his classmates and schoolwork. She hurried to his room and hugged him, thinking: Maybe this is what has been wrong. Maybe this is why he’s been so sad. It was a relief to have an answer, because, Susan realized, “this is something that we can tackle.”
Today, Kai is part of the small number of transgender…